


Catching up

by lollipop666



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/F, Haruno Sakura-centric, Multi, Original Slug Summon, Sakura gets the respect and development she deserves, Sakura is a genius medical ninja, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-07-12 19:11:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16001510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lollipop666/pseuds/lollipop666
Summary: This started as a fix it fic but it evolved into more"They looked at each other and glared before extending their hands and at this moment there was just Sakura and Ino and the promise that their rivalry would never end.That day Ino did not help Sakura go back home and Sakura did not help her either and Ino had Shikamaru and Choji and Sakura had no one, and she accepted this as her first defeat."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so basically im going to fix all of Naruto with this fic, there will be some canon compliant thing but most of the time, ill just,, yeet the canon out of the fucking window

When Shikamaru and the others told her that they needed to talk, Sakura didn't know what to expect.  
They fumbled about, offering apologies, approaching the problem with extreme caution, until finally, Kiba shared the news. 

They wanted to take care of Sasuke. He was a missing-nin after all, it was their duty to put him down, they wanted to make sure that they wouldn't have to worry about her doing reckless things, even more, they would appreciate her help in convincing Naruto. 

When tears started rolling down her cheeks she didn't know exactly why. 

She just heard Shikamaru sigh and Kiba trying to explain further, but she wasn't listening.

 

Her mind was already taking her back to their time as team 7, simpler and happier times. Their first test, their first mission, all of it seemed so far away now. 

Sasuke left, and then it was Naruto's turn to leave and she was all that was left of team 7. 

She would still meet up with Kakashi-sensei and he would still be late and he would still come up with ridiculous excuses but sometimes the silence between the two of them would be too much, and so the training sessions were shortened, put off and cancelled during the first month of their absence.

She stayed home most of the time, her parents present but not invading and she felt thankful. She remembered how she had begged Sasuke-kun to take her with him and thanked God that he refused, she hadn't thought about them that time, she probably hadn't thought that Sasuke would have been gone for so long. A month had passed and her parents didn't understand why she had become more affectionate with them until she told them everything and she cried, she told them about the chuunin exam and about how Sasuke-kun broke the arms of a sound ninja in front of her and how she had been scared, she talked about Naruto and how she was ashamed of what she said to him and they themselves felt ashamed to know that they participated in the isolation of a little child, but they didn't tell her that, she would understand later though, she promised them that she wouldn't try to leave again. A month had passed and she was thankful that her parents were helping her get through this.

Ino arrived soon after the first month. She knocked on the door and Sakura didn't think that she'd be this full of energy, she liked Sasuke too didn't she?  
But Ino was there with her and joked about her being a hermit, she smugly told her that she was still a cry-baby after all and Sakura blushed because she had cried the night before and it showed and Ino would probably be the last person to contradict that fact. Soon enough they were bickering and joking around and Sakura laughed until her stomach hurt and her face was flushed and Ino was laying down next to her, her short blond hair was held up in a cute bun unlike hers and it was almost as if they were 6 again. 

Ino smirked.

"You know, your forehead is still as big as ever."

After an aggressive pillow fight, Ino stayed the night and they talked for hours before falling asleep. Neither Sasuke's nor Naruto's name were pronounced that day and Sakura fell asleep soundly, Ino loudly breathing next to her. They passed the night playing tug of war with the blanket and both of them mocked the other for looking half dead when the morning came. 

The day after she was training with Ino and her team and Asuma-sensei was impressed by Ino's energy and motivation. She beat Sakura and even though they both were exhausted Ino had enough energy to gloat her victory.

The week after Sakura was bothering Kakashi-sensei every day to train her, joining other teams so that she'd have a sparring partner, she fought Ino often. 

One day Kakashi-sensei went on a mission and she lost a bet and had to train with Gai-sensei and Lee-san for the whole day and her muscles ached and she couldn't move afterwards but Lee-san and Gai-sensei were supportive and she discovered that when you trained that much it was difficult to think about anything afterwards. 

She came back the next day, legs barely supporting her weight because if Naruto was getting intensive training then she would too, and Ino couldn't believe it. At the end of the day, Ino felt too much pity for her to laugh and helped her limp to her home. After a week, Gai-sensei told her to rest even though he understood her youthful determination and that they would accept her back with opened arms as soon as her body would allow her to train again, she thanked him and painfully made her way back. Her mother laughed as she massaged her shoulder that night. 

She was woken up the next day too damn early by Ino, already perfectly dressed and beautiful as always.  
As usual, she didn't hide her smug smile as she saw the expression on Sakura's face but she blushed as she handed her a bottle of warm liquid. Sakura looked at her, confused.

"It's green tea, I asked my mom, she said it should help your body recover faster." Ino said, embarrassed.

She took the bottle, she could feel a huge smile forming on her face even though her whole body was screaming with pain as she extended her hand.

"Thank you, Ino."

She blushed and stuttered a little "it's nothing" while awkwardly looking away. She then quickly excused herself and Sakura drank the totality of the bottle before going back to sleep with a smile on her face. 

 

Three weeks after, she was climbing a mountain with Gai-sensei, Lee-san and Tenten-san, and it was hard and she could still feel the soreness in her muscles but she didn't want to slow them down and the view was beautiful at the top and Gai-sensei made sure to give a heartfelt speech about youth, determination and passion, and maybe she was moved by it a little and maybe she didn't say it. 

She did see a couple of beautiful flowers though, and she did think of Ino when she plucked them and she did climb down a little more recklessly than she should have and she did fall down, but she didn't care, she was somehow very excited because of those flowers and she needed to show them to Ino.  
She ran as fast as she could to Ino's house and she swore that as she went she could hear Gai-sensei loudly sobbing with Lee-san and some talks about 'knowing when to quit' and a promise of 'putting all of one's emotion into training'. 

When she arrived at the door she could barely stand and she was still dirty with sweat and mud, but the flowers were still nearly as pretty as they were before being plucked. 

When Ino opened the door she exploded with joy as Sakura saw her face and the wonder on it and she smiled and tried to follow her inside but she took a step and her legs gave out, she was still smiling and laughing but Ino wasn't and she looked at Sakura with so much concern she felt her stomach hurt. 

She stopped training with Lee-san and Gai-sensei for a while and adopted a rhythm more adapted to her physical condition and spent more time with Ino, but her training with Gai-sensei was showing results and the sparring matches they had were a little more intense than usual and maybe they hit harder than they should have and maybe they pushed themselves more than they should have but damn they would not lose to the other. 

They were panting and bloody and Asuma-sensei was scratching the back of his head not knowing if he should intervene. Shikamaru was trying to seem uninterested but she knew that he would try to stop them if he thought things were going to go out of hand, Choji was nervously eating, sensing the anormal tension between them. Ino was on the ground, clearly not wanting to give up and yet unable to stand on her legs, but Sakura did not feel worried, she did not feel pity either. She could only feel the rush of blood in her veins, the loud thumping of her heart and the sweet warmth of pride washing over her as she realised that she had won. Ino glared at her and Sakura promised herself that she would do anything in her power to chase after this sensation again. 

She held out her hand.

Ino took it.

They looked at each other, panting, bruised and tired. Sakura smirked. Ino let go of her hand and shoved her way past her. The promise of a revenge match.

That day Ino did not help Sakura go back home and Sakura did not help her either. They did not chat and tease each other on the way back and did not stop to buy sweets. Sakura just watched as she continued walking past her teammates who were already following after her and asking her what was wrong while Asuma-sensei just sighed, congratulated her and left. 

In the end, Ino had Shikamaru and Choji while Sakura had no one, and she accepted that today had been an even match between them.  
That day she was laying on the training ground and her body hurt and even though she won she did not smile, instead she looked at the sky until her father found her. She couldn't walk and he picked her up and complained all the way to their house. 

She started training with Gai-sensei and Lee-san every day again, she wanted to become stronger, sometimes Neji-san and Tenten-san would join their ridiculous challenges and sometimes they would just judge them from a distance but she could feel the gap between their abilities each time she took a blow. She pushed herself past her limit and Gai-sensei was proud of them all, and she thought about Ino, and about how this time she stopped looking at her with concern whenever she ended up too exhausted to walk herself home. 

The next day Ino joined them, she bickered with Sakura the whole time and couldn't finish a single set of push-ups. After that she was bed-ridden and it was Sakura's turn to bring her green tea.

Two days after that Kakashi-sensei came back and she forced him to join her and team 11's early jogging and he was surprised to see that and still tried to stealthily dodge it but Gai-sensei knew his rival and he knew how to be insistent and so he joined them. 

Another two months passed before Naruto's first letter arrived. She could keep up with Gai-sensei's training more easily and Kakashi-sensei was impressed by her progress. She didn't think she'd be this happy to hear from him again, the message itself was short and badly written and there were smudge marks on the paper, but she was happy. 

_'Still training with Ero-sennin, hope everyone is well, I didn't forget my promise. Say hi to Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-sensei and the others for me, thanks. -Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage.'_

And she laughed because Naruto would still be Naruto and she was relieved she asked the little frog messenger if she could reply and it accepted and she had so much to say but the paper stayed blank and in the end she only wrote _'Training with Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei, I am well, hope you are too. When are you coming back?'_ She thought about Sasuke-kun too and she stared at the paper and crumbled it and she tried again.

_'Training with Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei, I am well, hope you are too, we are all waiting for you to come back.'_

She looked at the paper this time, satisfied and she bolted out of her house and ran to find Kakashi-sensei, the little frog messenger not leaving her side, and he was surprised but happy and Sakura was sure that he smiled when he saw Naruto's signature and she just handed him a pen and he wrote encouraging words too. 

"Who are you bringing this to next?" he asked softly.

"Everyone." 

And she smiled and started running again. She found Shikamaru and Choji first, Ino was there as well. They all wrote a little message, and they smiled while doing so. Sakura wanted Naruto to understand that his absence wasn’t unnoticed and that there were people missing him.

She ran into Lee-san, Tenten-san and Neji-san next, and Sakura had to physically stop Gai-sensei from filling the whole page and Lee-san was touched that she would think of him and she convinced them all to write some encouraging words and they did in their own ways. She tried to find Kiba and she wasn't listening much to what he was saying, she was already thinking about who to find next and thankfully enough she trusted Hinata enough to leave the rest to her. 

"Hinata, bring this letter back to me when you're finished! If there is still some space left try to see if I haven't forgotten anyone! If you can't find me please just let it with Kakashi-sensei! Bye bye!"

She was stopped right in her tracks by Shino's voice.

"I see that you don't think that I am close enough to Naruto to write him some encouraging words, Sakura. Why? Because you didn't mention me even though I was standing right next to Hinata."

"Sorry Shino, I hadn't noticed you! Please write something kind to Naruto I'm sure that it will make him happy!" she said.

She ignored his response and finally went to Iruka-sensei. He was surprised but he was enthousiastic about it and the look he had in his eyes reminded her of her father's when she came home after her first mission. 

The two letters were sent, she'd missed her training session and it had taken her most of the day but she was happy and that night she stayed up late with Ino and she couldn't stop herself from smiling and there was something weird about the way Ino looked at her but it wasn't bad.

 

The next day she managed to get a hit on Lee-san and she was over-joyed, Kakashi-sensei was impressed and Gai-sensei was torn, but she lost her concentration and did not avoid Lee-san's Konoha's Whirlwind. Lee-san was already apologizing and crying and she realised that she still had a long way to go. She was still on the ground and she had difficulties breathing but the Hokage-sama saw everything and she took the time to heal her and to congratulate her and Lee-san for their hard-work before requesting both Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei to follow her. 

Lee-san was still apologizing and Tenten-san was still scolding him for not controlling himself better but she did not say anything as she just couldn't forget the weird sensation of medical ninjutsu and the desire of wanting to know how it worked.

The next day she was sent on a mission with Kakashi-sensei and Team 11 and it was weird to go on a mission again but she was familiar with Lee-san, Tenten-san and Neji-san and it all went smoothly. Tenten-san was funny and she liked to talk about weapons and Sakura remembered Zabuza and Haku, and she asked her if she'd ever heard about the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, and Tenten-san had stars in her eyes. 

That night she hid her wound and isolated herself as she tried to recreate the same sensation she felt when the Hokage-sama healed her. She concentrated Chakra into her palm and felt the energy, she remembered how it was versatile and could transform into elements and she remembered her biology classes and how the body was a machine that used nutriments from the outside to function and she knew that the Chakra's circulatory system was similar to the blood's circulatory system and that it flowed inside her body and she knew that the answer was somewhere but she simply did not have the necessary knowledge to go and further her reasoning. Still, she pressed her palm against her arm and she felt her Chakra and the road it took and it was overwhelming to be suddenly aware of this flow inside her body, she stopped and bandaged herself before she went to bed, mind still full of questions.

A week later she was in the Hokage's office and she was intimidated and her voice quivered as she talked but she held herself steadily. She tried to look confident as she asked Hokage-sama to train her in medical ninjutsu and tried not to crumble on herself as the woman stared at her with a pensive expression on her face. Finally she asked her if she had an idea on how medical ninjustu worked and Sakura did not know if Hokage-sama wanted her to respond but she did and sure she forgot the names of some proteins and sure she couldn't really tell the differences between Lymphocyte B, T, and C but she was able to convey what she thought was two different types of medical ninjustu; one for external and internal wounds and one for poisons and deseases and how in the first one the injected Chakra is used to 'plug' or reconstruct blood vessels and skin tissue by bringing an excess in energy to cells and bringing their quick multiplication until the 'hole' was plugged, and the second type where Chakra is used to stimulate the immune system and quicken the reaction time of the anti-viral response and Sakura would have loved to go into more details but this was all she could come up with during the week she studied human anatomy and books on Chakra because the local library didn't have anything on medical ninjustu.

Once she finished Hokage-sama was staring at her with wide eyes and she smiled and nodded and congratulated her on her deductions and she did point out some inaccuracies but she was impressed and Sakura could feel herself blush. The Hokage-sama looked at her sternly before telling her that there are way more types of medical ninjutsu and that she had only scraped the top of the barrel and Sakura felt self-conscious again. But the Hokage-sama promised to teach them all to her and she had never felt more excited.

"From this day you can call me Shishoo! Your training will start tomorrow morning, Shizune will teach you the basics of anatomy and the different components of cells and their role and how to stimulate and quicken their multiplication with your Chakra!"

"Yes, Shishoo!"

"Good! I will give you a list of exercises to improve your Chakra control! You need to repeat them every day until it feels like breathing to you, understand?!"

"Yes, Shishoo!"

"Now go! Be there at 8 o'clock sharp! Do not be late!"

"Yes, Shishoo!"

She watched as a warm smile spread across her master's face and she beamed at her before bolting out of her office, nearly running into Shizune-san, she bowed deeply and shouted that she would be in her care before joining Kakashi-sensei and Team 11 for training. Gai-sensei reprimanded her but she was on cloud nine and she couldn't stop herself from smiling even while she was doing one hundred push-ups. Tenten-san had a quizzical smile on her face and she wanted to know what made her so happy, Lee-san joined her and they were gently pressuring her into telling them what had happened and she exploded with joy as she told them that Tsunade-sama had accepted to take her as her pupil. There were tears of joy as Lee-san and Gai-sensei loudly congratulated her, even Neji-san offered her some encouraging words and she looked at Kakashi-sensei and he simply nodded in approval and gave her a smile and she was worried that he'd be lonely but she shrugged it off convinced that he'd maniaged somehow. 

When she looked at Tenten-san, she still had a shocked expression on her face. She balled up her fists, her shoulder slightly shook with frustration and she turned away quickly. Sakura could heard her sniffling before she turned around, glaring at her. She was perplexed and jumped a little when Tenten-san started talking again.

"Haruno Sakura!" She started.

Sakura tensed and stood straight, confused at Tenten's sudden stern voice.

"I will not lose to you! Don't get cocky just because Tsunade-sama is training you now if you're not careful I'm going to steal your seat as Tsunade-sama's pupil!"

Sakura was shocked, Tenten-san looked at her with determination and she wondered if Sasuke-kun felt the same way she did right now when Neji-san sought him out during the Chuunin exam as she looked at Tenten-san, excitement and something more fierce and intense bubbling in her stomach and her lungs. She could feel her heartbeat pick up and a smile spreading across her face. It made her feel bolder and more confident.

"I will look forward to it! Tenten-san good luck on making Shishoo notice you, I worked hard to get there, I won't lose to you either!"

And she saw the way Tenten-san's expression soured as she heard the term "Shishoo" and she knew she was rubbing salt on the wound and maybe she was being a little bit too cheeky but she was determined and she would definitely not lose her privileged seat to anyone in the village.

Tenten-san gave her one last glare before storming off Neji-san on her heels while Gai-sensei was sobbing and talking about the youthful fire that animated the two young girls and she went towards Kakashi-sensei with her list of exercises on Chakra control and he examined it closely before smiling and they went back to work, Kakashi-sensei explaining in more details what every exercises consisted of, she promised Gai-sensei that they would discuss more about her training schedule as soon as her Master would give her a more precise timetable. 

She later rejoined Ino and shared the news with her and she jumped in joy with her and they hugged and dashed to Ichiraku Ramen to celebrate the news. Ayame-san and Teuchi-san treated them that day and she couldn't remember the last time she ate that much and she still had to tell the news to her parents but Sakura and Ino took their time as they caught up on the latest gossip and Ino wanted to know more about her meeting with Tsunade-sama and Sakura reenacted the scene for her and Ino had a wistful look in her eyes.

"You know, if you're not careful Ino," she started with a sly grin, "I'm going to leave you behind!"

Ino looked at her sternly for a while and finally, she looked at Sakura with fire in her eyes.

"As if that could happen Forehead Girl!" she grinned as well

"Shut up Ino-Pig!"

 

Sakura stuck out her tongue as she entered her house and she promised herself that she wouldn't forget to tell the news to Naruto as she ran to find her parents. 

The next day she thought she had prepared herself mentally for her new training but she did not expect the number of books Shizune-san brought with her. She kept anticipating the moment her Master would walk into the room but she did not and she was a bit disappointed and her eyes hurt a little bit after reading so much but Shizune-san was patient and her explanations where clear and easy for her mind to wrap around and she was so interested by the subject that she did not feel the time pass until it was twelve thirty and she needed to eat before joining the others for training.

Her parents were boasting about her to the whole village for the entire week.

Naruto's next letter arrived faster than she would have thought, only three weeks after the first one, she was surprised to see that he wrote way more this time and there were also several letters addressed to different people, she shared her letter with Kakashi-sensei, and it seemed that Naruto thought that it was easier to separate the rest by teams, only Iruka-sensei got his own letter and she smiled at that.  
She let the little frog messenger rest a little in her room before it hopped on to find the others.

In this letter Naruto was talking a little more about his day, he complained about his mentor and thanked her for asking the others to write to him too, he explained how he was working on controlling the Kyuubi's Chakra and how it was hard but that he'd do his best to come back as soon as possible so that they could go and find Sasuke-kun and her smile dropped and she thought about him and about how it had been over five months since Naruto went away and even longer since Sasuke-kun left the village, and she realized just how much she hadn't thought about him and how much the pain she felt when he left the village had long faded away leaving only a hollow feeling in her chest.  
But she pushed past it and she started to write excitedly as she talked about her training with her Master and she complained about the number of books she had to read and how it was hard to be on time for her physical training and how the Chakra control exercises she needed to do were exhausting but she was happy and she liked training with Gai-sensei and the others.  
She told him about her new rivalry with Tenten-san and how she was excited and happy to see that she had acknowledged her strength and she talked about Ino and their constant competitions and how her Shishoo was so cool and impressive and about how it had only been two weeks since she started her training but that her Shishoo was already thinking about having her practice on living organisms and how she was proud of herself. She hesitated before adding

_'We should fight when you come back! After all, I'm giving it my all to catch up to you,'_

She paused, feeling the same boldness take over her as she wrote.

_'maybe I'll even surpass you if you're not careful! So you better not slack off!'_

With a smile, she signed the letter.

_'- Sakura Haruno, Future best medical ninja and Taijutsu Master'_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ill try one more time to upload it rn but, anyways i promised that i would give you the next chapter soon! so here it is, it feels a little more rushed than she first one but whatevz! i did my best!!

The next Chuunin exam arrived way faster than she thought it would. She dreaded it as much as she was anticipating for it, after all, if she passed she'd be surpassing Naruto. She knew that it would be different this time. With three more months of training she felt more confident in her abilities in medical ninjutsu and in taijutsu, she knew that her reaction time and her analytic mind were better than before as well.  
When Tsunade-sama told her that she would participate in this one along with Ino and Choji as team Asuma, she felt all tension leave her body. She knew how this team worked, she could easily adapt, Ino and Sakura had only been challenging each other lately, working together would be a nice change of pace. 

The written exam went without a hitch. With both Sakura's academic knowledge and Ino's new communication jutsu, they were finished in no time. 

The second exam took place in Sunagakure, but, as too many people passed the first test, only the first ten teams to arrive at the meeting point would be qualified.  
As soon as Temari-san pronounced those words, Team Gai went off, each of them grabbing one of the bags presented on the table in front of Shikamaru and Temari-san. Tenten-san shot her a glance before the three of them started running at full speed.  
Sakura felt her body move on its own as she started sprinting, she was immediately followed by Ino and Choji who quickly grabbed a bag each. The three of them were running, shadowing Tenten-san, Lee-san and Neji-san, their speedy departure shaking off the other teams who didn't seem to understand that the elimination round had already begun.

Both teams ran at full speed but it was clear that Team Gai was moving way faster, they had been training with Gai-sensei for many years now while she had only started her training with him a couple of months ago, and even if her body was starting to get accustomed to Gai-sensei's impossible pace, those three had endured it for much longer. 

They had been running for hours and she could feel her muscles aching and her lungs burning, the dry air of the desert not helping in the least. It was thankfully dusk when they reached the border that separated Sunagakure from Konohagakure, they didn't have to run under the harsh desert sun. She could still see Team Gai, they were barely little dots on the horizon but everything in her body compelled her to try to close the distance, even by a couple of centimetres. She did not want to be left behind.

“Sakura!” she heard Ino's angry voice from behind, “Sakura, that's enough! Choji and I can't keep up! We need to rest! Don't tell me you're planning on running the whole night?! Even if you go to the meeting point, if Choji and I aren't with you, you'll be disqualified!” 

She turned around seeing that Choji and Ino were at least 20 meters behind her. Both of them seemed exhausted, they were still trying to catch their breath. She jogged to join them.

“Sorry, Ino, Choji, I wasn't careful enough.” she said, panting. 

She was tired but not to the point where she felt like collapsing just yet. Another 30 minutes would have been it though.

“No, shit!” Ino barked at her still recovering, “you've only been staring at Team Gai since we've started! You didn't even hear us when we told you to stop!”

“Sorry.” her head wasn't quite there yet, she could hear her blood rushing and her heart beating, it was disorientating, “It won't happen again.”

“It better not Forehead girl!”

“Ino, I think it's enough.” Choji said, he was already sitting on the ground, still panting.

Ino clicked her tongue.

“I already told you that I was sorry didn't I, Ino-pig?!”

Ino sat in the sand.

“And those backpacks are heavy too!” she cried, “How do you still have so much energy?”

Sakura only smiled and set her own backpack on the ground before inspecting its content.

“... Eh?” 

“What is it, Sakura?” 

She looked at Choji with desperation in her eyes.

“Choji, c-could you please look inside your bag? You too, Ino.”

 

From the expression they had on their faces, it was probably the same for them. 

They wouldn't have to worry about water for sure, but their biggest problem would be food. 

“W-What is that?!” Choji wailed, “Do they really expect us to survive with only one can of beans for three days?!”

Sakura grabbed her grumbling stomach as she quietly agreed with Choji.

 

The next two days were painful and hard, Ino, Choji and her nearly cried with joy as they saw the meeting point. Team Gai had arrived first, Team Asuma was second, followed closely by Team Shira, Team Kurenai and Team Fuu. In the end, four teams from Sunagakure, three teams from Konohagakure, one team from Kusagakure, one team from Amegakure and one team from Takigakure passed the elimination round.

The second exam was rather easy, especially because of Ino's Mind transferring jutsu. All it took was stalking stealthily another group, observing them to see which one of them had the scroll and let Ino do her part, of course, there was also a little bit of knocking out the guy afterwards but this was not a problem.  
They did not encounter any other team. They weren't the first to arrive, once again this title was held by team Kurenai, they were only third though and Sakura was excited to see that they had arrived before Team Gai, she was also worried that they would not make it in time. They did though and Sakura did throw Tenten-san a smug look, to which she responded by sticking her tongue out at her.

“Sakura we're going to kick so many butts!” Ino started excitedly, throwing an arm over her shoulder.

She hummed excitedly in response.

“I'm so excited! Can you imagine it? After this final exam, we might become Chuunins!”

Ino clapped Choji on the shoulder.

“Let's give our best Choji! We can't let Shikamaru's head get too big because he is the only Chuunin of Team Asuma!”

“Y-yeah, but Ino have you see the other teams?” he said looking down at his feet, “as I thought, maybe we should have waited a little more before trying the exam again.” he mumbled.

“Ah! Don't be such a downer Choji! It's not with this attitude that you'll become a Chuunin! You need to be more confident.”

“That's easier said than done, we could end up fighting Neji, or Lee, and did you forget how that girl, Fuu, just beat that giant scorpion in one punch? Plus that Shira guy seems pretty strong...”

“We can still be promoted even if we don't win our matches, Choji, you just have to use your flashiest move to convince the jury that you are worthy of becoming a captain. Don't put pressure on yourself when you aren't even in the ring yet.”

“Now come on they are going to announce the first matches!”

 

Neji-san was first to begin, he entered the stone floor confidently, gracefully walking along each slab, Sakura felt pity for Kiba.

She was expecting an instant victory but Kiba held his ground far longer than she thought he would.

Her turn came much quicker than expected, she was surprised to see her name flashing on the billboard.  
She looked at her opponent in the eyes, a Sunagakure ninja named Sen, she didn't have much information on her abilities, she would play on the defensive. 

When she understood that her opponent speciality was genjutsu though, she could not hold back a smirk, after all, she had been training with Kakashi-sensei, _Sharingan no Kakashi_ , on genjutsu, though her schedule was already so busy with her classes on anatomy and training in medical ninjutsu and her combat training with Team 10 and Team 11, it was hard to get seriously into it. This could be good practice. 

_'Showing off my skills, I need to show off my skills.'_

She concentrated Chakra in her hand before punching the ground, lifting a heavy veil of dust and breaking one of the big stone slabs on the floor and also her hand. She still had troubles using the jutsu that her Master wanted her to learn, but she knew that she needed to go hard at the beginning. She healed herself quickly, thinking about surprising her opponent but found herself running in circles inside the smoke screen. 

_'Genjutsu, huh?'_

She could try to dispell it but as long as she didn't know how or when she was put under it there would be no meaning into that. 

A kunai hit her in the leg, and another one, and another one. They just kept coming.

 _'If I stay right there she I'll be an easy prey,'_

She started backing up, feeling the ground and trying to reach the corner of the ring, she heard Ino's voice telling her to do her best.

_'Thanks, Ino.'_

She already had a mental map of the ring, it was a simple stone square, now that she was in a corner and because of Ino's voice she could approximately know where she was. She ran in diagonal from corner to corner, brushing against her opponent.

_'Yosh!'_

Now it was just a matter of reading her opponent's movement and trying to anticipate. The next time she brushed against her, she knew there was a wall on the left and in front of her which meant that her opponent could only right.  
She spun around and threw out a round-kick she felt it collide with something other than a wall. She heard Sen grunt and she threw her fist towards the sound as fast as she could manage. A second hit.

Even if she was getting better at that game, she still tried to remember if she saw, heard or even felt something unusual at the beginning.

_'Wait, smell!'_

With that taken care of, Sakura punched the ground again, lifting more dust, she released herself from Sen's genjutsu, she covered her mouth and nose with her now injured hand. She saw her opponent through the smoke and lunged at her before she could do anything else. She threw her shurikens to distract her, searching desperately for what was emitting the strange smell she noticed before.  
Their Kunais met, clashing in a rain of sparks. Sen reached for her pouch, no, for a little vial inside her pouch, Sakura kicked her hand, making the vial fly in the air, they both separated from each other, trying to grab it before it broke.

The vial had reached it's highest point.

She elbowed Sen in the stomach, stunning her before jumping, snatching the vial out of mid-air and throwing it at her opponent's feet breaking the vial and splashing her with the liquid. 

The smell that came out of it was stronger than Sakura had expected and she worried for a moment that she might have made a mistake, still Sen was still keeling over in pain and so she formed the seal she saw Sen maintaining, trying her best to recreate the jutsu with the little information she had and the assumptions she made about it. 

From the lightheadedness she suffered from by smelling the perfume even from where she was standing, she knew that right now her opponent's chakra flow around the brain and eyes was disturbed, even if she was used to working with it. She pictured the empty ring in her mind and stretched it as much as she could imagine before sending a wave of Chakra, remodelling the Chakra flow around Sen eyes and thus creating the image Sakura had imagined in her head. 

Even if Sen undid the genjutsu, the smell was on her so Sakura could just use it again. 

She ended the fight with three explosive tags.

 

The stadium erupted in applause. 

 

Sakura looked at herself. She had sustained more damage to herself than her opponent did.  
Maybe Kakashi-sensei was right when he said that she had an aptitude for genjutsu. She could hear Ino cheering the loudest and she beamed at her before giving her the Nice Guy pose before she could stop herself, she felt herself blush as Ino started laughing at her, she would never live this down, her shame doubled down when she heard Lee-san excitedly talking but she escaped the stage before she could understand any of what he was saying. 

“Gai-sensei is rubbing off on you, huh?” She teased.

“Please shut up.” 

She could also feel Tenten-san smugness from the other side of the room but she refused to look at her.

“Anyways, I won my match Ino, you better do the same, I can't wait to beat your ass.”

Ino just stared at her playfully before mimicking the Nice Guy pose. She nearly melted in a puddle of shame and self-consciousness on the spot.

“Choji stop laughing!”

No matter how much she got angry neither Choji nor Ino stopped laughing. 

The third match was announced, it was Ino's turn now. She was going to fight against Yoroo, a Takigakure ninja. He was better than Ino in Taijutsu but Ino was smarter and better at ninjutsu, Sakura was impressed when she saw her using Water-style ninjutsu.  
She cheered loudly when she did that and Ino cast her a cocky smirk. Sakura felt her breath catch in her throat before she started cheering along with the public once again. 

She ended her match without even using her mind-transferring technic. Sakura had never been so impressed as soon as Ino came back she hugged her and started spinning her. She laughed excitedly, congratulating her before realizing what she was doing and putting her back down, pink coloring her cheeks. It was a little awkward between them after that, Choji was smirking at them but kept quiet.

The first round of battles ended, in the end, Neji-san, Sakura, Ino, Lee-san, Shino, Choji and Fuu each won their matches. 

“Yosh! Every member of team Asuma passed to the second round!” Ino cheered, pumping her fist up the in the air before throwing her arms around both Sakura and Choji.

“Let's give our best!”

Team Gai and Team Kurenai approached them, Lee-san was congratulating them but also trying to sooth Tenten-san who was depressed after her loss. 

“Sakura you better give your best out there! If you ever loose against this Fuu girl I'm never going to forgive you, avenge me Sakura!” she cried dramatically. 

She was joined by Kiba who was energetically encouraging everyone to kick Neji-san's ass. The later didn't even seemed bothered by it he just crossed his arms and sighed before throwing Kiba a smirk.

Shino reflexively grabbed him by the collar.

“Kiba, you shouldn't try to fight him so soon, why? Because he just beat you to a pulp, it would be dumb to try to get revenge so soon.”

Sakura couldn't stop herself from laughing and neither could the others around her. This elicited a new wave of indignation from Kiba.

The attention quickly shifting towards them instead of Tenten-san. She was just like that, she didn't want people to fuss and worry about her. Sakura looked at her sighing and letting her shoulder sag. Neji-san discreetly backed up until their arms were practically touching and Lee-san put a hand on her shoulder.

She thought about her own team but tried to chase the thought away. She wanted to brag about her new Chuunin title next time she wrote to Naruto so she needed to do her best. 

She turned away from the rest of the group and no matter how hard she was trying to keep it up the smile she had on her face just refused to stay where it was, she could feel it disappear, making space for emotions she had had troubles dealing with. She couldn't help but think about them, her team, well, what was supposed to be her team. Maybe it was because it had already been a year. Sakura could feel a hollowness eating away at her insides, but just like Tenten-san, she wasn't going to show it. 

She needed to catch up to them if she did she might be able to help bring Sasuke-kun back. 

It wouldn't be like last time where she entrusted everything to Naruto.  
She wanted her team to work together again, to laugh together, to eat together, she wanted everything to go back to how it was before. The more she trained with Team 10, Team 11 or Team 8, the more she thought about what would have made Sasuke-kun stay and why would Naruto left just after he did. 

She often asked herself if she could have done something about it, maybe if she had been stronger real bonds could have been formed, maybe if she didn't always need someone's protection they might have considered her as a real teammate. These were the thought she desperately wanted to chase away, those were the thoughts she tried to drown away with hard work, sweat and blood. Still, they haunted her.

She wondered about that night too, why would Sasuke-kun thank her? Was he thankful that she showed concern for him? Was he thankful that she did not tell Naruto that day? Why _didn't_ she tell him?

Maybe it was jealousy because she knew that Naruto had a chance of convincing him, maybe she had wanted to try to do _something_ , to play an active part in Sasuke-kun's life like he had done for hers. If she had wanted him to stay that badly why didn't she warn Kakashi-sensei?  
Maybe she needed the confirmation that she would never be important to Sasuke-kun, but he thanked her, that had to mean _something_. 

She got sucker punched when she learned that Naruto was leaving, too. She felt cast aside by both of her teammates. 

But even so, her parents were there, Ino was there, and Kakashi-sensei, and soon enough all of the others and Naruto sent letters, she had her Shishoo and Shizune-san, and she felt less alone. She knew that Naruto felt lonely, he said so. His Master wasn't always with him and he would eat and train alone, but the letters helped. How was Sasuke-kun dealing with all of this? He never wrote, never contacted them. He had truly cast all of them aside. Naruto was sad about this too, there wouldn't be a letter where he didn't mention him, Sakura though, the more she thought about it, the more it made her feel empty. In her memories she was always chasing after him, after his approval, but he never looked her way, he would bicker with Naruto and the two of them would fight but Sakura knew that he respected Naruto, but he never acknowledged her, she was always just there. 

It made her feel small and meek. 

She hated that.

Feeling small, feeling weak, feeling like a burden, she just hated it. Because they were always treating her like that, she became complacent, she just accepted it. She would go train everyday feeling as though it was meaningless. She was supposed to be good at genjutsu but she needed to wait until Sasuke-kun got the hang of his Sharingan because no one else but Kakashi-sensei could help him with it, she was good with Chakra control but she had to wait until Sasuke-kun and Naruto caught up. She respected Kakashi-sensei but sometimes she resented him for it, for making her feel like her training had to accommodate the both of them while they never felt guilty about leaving her behind, again and again, never waiting, being contempt with having to carry her around until the time where they couldn't and she was put in danger, and she could not protect anyone and the only thing she could do about was to either cry or get beaten up. Gai-sensei didn't make her feel that way though, he wanted her to do her best, he only knew that hard-work made perfection, he would never let anyone slack off on his watch. But even then he and Lee-san would be too soft with her, Ino told her that she felt the same way with Asuma-sensei.

_'You have to push yourself as far as you can because nobody else is going help you to do it.' ___

__That's what she understood._ _

__Well nobody except for Tsunade-sama, she was hard and strict and stern and her punches hurt a hundred times more than Lee-san's. When she decided that Sakura's taijutsu training was too soft, she took it upon herself to train her, she would still work with Gai-sensei and the others but she would regularly fight her Master, she understood the true meaning of physical pain there, but also she made progress. A lot of it. It turned out that she would become more ingenious if there was an underlying threat of physical pain on the line. She also learned to concentrate through the pain of injuries to heal herself._ _

___'A medical ninja must be the last one to die.'_ _ _

__She would repeat that again and again, like a mantra. Be clever, be strong, understand your value._ _

__And she did._ _

__Her training, the validation she had received because of it, all of it built up confidence, it stacked up like a pedestal she permanently walked on, she wasn't small, she wasn't meek, she had potential and finally, she found someone to help her develop it.  
She was smart, a genius medical ninja, a fast learner, she could read books upon books upon thesis about medical ninjutsu all night, and she did, her room was stacked with papers and notes, years of work and research memorised, assimilated and understood in merely a single night, and she was strong too. After Lee-san, Neji-san and Tenten-san she was probably the genin with the best with taijutsu skills. She was proud of that._ _

__This was how she buried those depressing thoughts, even if those insecurities did cling to her her whole life, never would she let them crush and stomp on her again._ _

__Ino had joined her, she was leaning against the railing, she could feel her presence. It helped to soothe her beating heart and the emotions that rushed through her veins, burning like fire but it did not extinguish it, instead it settled in her gut and stayed put as if waiting to give her that raw of energy when she would need it._ _

__She couldn't stop herself from smiling when she saw that she would be going up against Lee-san for her match._ _


	3. Chapter 3

_Do not go easy on me! ___

That’s what she had barked at Lee-san, she did not want to be handled with kid’s gloves, she knew that Lee-san was kind, but she also knew that she wouldn’t be able to handle it if he did not take her seriously. She was going to give her all in this fight. 

She feared his speed, after all, it was able to break through Sabaku no Gaara’s absolute defence, still, she could feel fire roar in her guts, she was nervous and she was shaking and she was thrilled. 

But first came Ino’s fight. 

Or more like Ino’s and Choji’s fight. The two had been put against one another. 

__There was an awkward tension between them even when Ino did her best to try to lighten the atmosphere, encouraging Choji to do his best, trying to make him motivated.  
Still Choji kept on being depressed.  
In the end, Ino’s frustration was too much and she stormed off.  
Sakura wanted to follow but she knew that Ino would need time alone too, she took it upon herself to try to cheer up Choji, they weren’t close per say but they would often hang out together, or more like she would hang out with Ino who was already hanging out with the other. 

It may have been different from her original team, but she did feel like she belonged with Team 8 somehow, or at least she belonged with Ino who belonged with Choji and Shikamaru, it was weird to try and describe it. They didn’t really have anything in common but still, even when Ino wasn’t there they would sometimes talk, not as much as she did with Lee-san or even Tenten-san and Neji-san, but she was fond of them and she knew that they appreciated her somewhat. 

Still, Choji really did not want to fight Ino and it showed. 

Attacks stopping mid-air, weird deviations that made him miss his target, punches that started powerfully but ended softly. Sakura would have usually been frowning at this but a single look at Choji made her sympathize with him, he looked distressed, very much so. 

Sakura remembered that Ino would always complain about how she could never seriously train with Choji, she had said that he didn’t want to hurt her or Shikamaru, Ino had said it in a very annoyed tone but Sakura knew that Ino was not actually angry with him. She was sure that it was one of the things she liked in Choji, even if she would d never admit it to anyone but herself. 

Ino was, for her part, being more aggressive than usual, she used Taijutsu more than she would do during training sessions, Sakura could still see that she was holding back though, she hadn’t used any water-style jutsu or attempted to use her mind transferring jutsu even though she had had the occasion multiple time.  
Though her tongue was particularly vicious this fight. She wanted to make him angry. 

Seeing that, Sakura was loosely reminded of her own fight with Ino last year. 

They both had so much to say to the other, so much to catch up on but neither of them wanted to make the first step because of their pride. They had talked through their fists before reconnecting with each other through words. 

Finally, Choji landed a punch, he did it almost without meaning to and seemed to be about to apologize. Ino landed on the ground and before he could even say anything, she let out the taboo word.  
Choji finally reacted to Ino’s taunts and threw an enlarged fist at her still Ino had taken advantage of the time he had been distracted to prepare her mind transferring technic and for it to land. Sakura grabbed the railing in anticipation. 

Choji’s punch lost momentum. 

Before crashing onto Ino’s form. Hard. 

She flew across the ring crashing on the wall. 

Sakura’s grip on the railing tightened as she felt her heart compress. 

She frowned, Ino should have had the time to perform her jutsu on Choji, maybe she missed? No, that was impossible, not at this range.  
She waited for Ino to get up, but she didn’t instead Choji hit her with his human canon ball jutsu and Sakura knew it was over. She felt her shoulder drop in disappointment, she had wanted Ino to go to the next round, still, she understood the difficult situation she had been put in.  
   
Well, she didn’t exactly understand it because she _wanted_ to fight Naruto and there had been enough back and forth between them to know that he didn’t think that talking would make Sasuke come back to his senses. Still, she could try to imagine not wanting to fight and/or possibly hurt one of her teammates. 

When Choji came back though, she did not expect the expression he wore on his face, Ino was scowling, that was understandable even though she looked much angrier than Sakura thought she would, but Choji looked very ashamed.  
She recognized the expression on his face immediately, having worn it herself many times in the past. 

The two of them separated from the other without even casting her a glance. Sakura felt a violent pain in the chest; as she tried to keep calm she ended up being frozen in place, not being able to do anything again. 

Her mind was already taking her back to the forest, the giant snake, those sound ninjas, her being so helpless as she desperately tried to protect both Naruto and Sasuke, those ninjas insulting her and being right about her. The feeling was similar to the one she felt the first time she tried to fight her Master; when she realized that she was really in danger, she could barely keep her eyes open, her body tense already ready to absorb the blow instead of trying to dodge it. 

She closed her eyes and concentrated on the breathing exercises Tsunade-sama would make her do each time she would freeze like that. 

Once she felt like she could think coherently again, she concentrated Chakra in her palm and pressing it lightly from her forehead to her temples, trying to slow down her Chakra flow. 

It wasn’t a perfect technic and she hadn’t tested it on others yet and she knew that it could also be a result of the placebo effect, but she felt more relaxed each time she tried to stimulate the Chakra passageway in those areas, there weren’t many studies on it and it disappointed her. 

She felt ready to revive those memories now, Tsunade-sama taught her that going through the end of it on her own term would help her getting “unstuck”, and let her body know that the dangerous situation was over already. 

She breathed. 

She saw her trap going off. 

She saw that sound ninja grabbing her by the hair, insulting her, talking about her appearance, about her skills, hitting the nail on every single one of her insecurities, their words cutting deep inside her. 

She saw herself grabbing her kunai and slicing off her own hair, how the decision came naturally and quickly, how liberating it felt in this nightmare. 

And how quickly her moment of freedom ended after she had wrestled Zaku on the ground, successfully immobilizing him but not for long. 

Her insides wrenched as she remembered the hopelessness she felt, how much the punches hurt. 

Her heart rate picked up. 

She remembered how she interiorized her shame of being weak, of not being able to protect anyone, of losing both of her teammates, of being a burden, of how she was the reason why Lee-san had been injured, how she had resigned herself to the fact that she was going to die because she hadn’t been strong enough. 

And then she remembered Ino and Choji and Shikamaru and how they tried to save her and her team. 

She could feel herself relax. 

Her mind wanted to keep her in the forest, to trap her in that awful memory but she had come to terms with the rest. Sasuke-kun broke both arms of her tormentor and there are days where she was thankful for that. She had been terrified back then and sometimes she still was, but she would find herself clinging to Ino’s image, how her long blond hair danced in the wind as she stood between Sakura and those sound ninjas, how her presence was akin to that of a beacon of hope and she felt jealousy and awe and something warmer that lit up in her chest like a candle, flickering and fragile but still there and familiar. 

Her breathing had come back to normal, that flame, that emotion she still could not put a name on compelling her to go and see Ino, to talk to her, to be there for her, to be with her. 

She took a couple more minutes to gather herself before going to join her best friend.  
Behind her, Neji-san and Fuu’s fight was raging and she knew that she should be watching but what mattered the most to her at the moment was Ino. 

She found her with a drink in her hands, muttering to herself and intimidating anyone who might try to approach her with a hard glare. The intensity of her glare increased as she saw Sakura approach, but both knew that Sakura wouldn’t be discouraged by that, plus having fought with Ino so often, on a scale from one to ten, this glare would only be a 5.5, good but could be better. 

She wore a relaxed expression on her face and positioned herself near her. Ino did not say anything but she threw her a nasty look before continuing to sulk. Sakura noticed a trickle of blood running down her cheek, nothing too alarming, she knew that Ino would bitch about her beautiful face being spoiled later though so she delicately pressed her palm against Ino’s cheek eliciting a violent string of cursing from her even though she did not move away. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re-!” 

Ino’s breath caught in her throat as she locked eyes with her. 

Sakura traced the now invisible outline of the wound she had just closed, inspecting her work and smiling in contempt. 

Ino blushed, embarrassed by Sakura’s sudden display of affection. 

“I’m fine!” she snapped, “No need to fuss over me!” 

She freed her face from Sakura’s soft touch. 

Sakura herself couldn’t help but notice the sudden coldness she felt in her hand and she was shocked to see that she needed to consciously stop herself from reaching out to grab Ino’s face again. 

She felt her face grow hot as embarrassment took a hold of her, just what was she thinking doing things like that? 

She crossed her arms, turning slightly away from Ino and putting on a frown to hide the awkwardness she felt. 

“O-oh really?” she said her voice accidentally taking a taunting tone, “I wouldn’t have guessed with the way you just lost right now.” She wanted to bite her tongue to stop anything else from escaping her mouth, but it was already too late. 

Hearing that Ino’s nose flared. 

“ _Excuse_ me?!” 

Sakura was busier trying to escape the sudden discomfort she felt and the pounding of her heart to try to defuse the situation. 

“Well, I’m just saying,” she started, “where you even trying during the fight? Choji was clearly holding back you could have won easily!” 

She was aware of what she was saying but it was like her mouth was stuck on autopilot and she could only witness the incredibly insensitive comments she was making. 

Ino looked at her with shock and anger and Sakura knew the kind of mess she had put herself into. She waited for the blow. 

“Maybe if your team hadn’t _abandoned you _,”__

____

First blow, Sakura felt her stomach drop, 

____

“ _just maybe_ you wouldn’t have said this incredibly stupid thing!" she scoffed, teary-eyed, "Were you _even a team_?!” 

____

Second blow, her throat constricted, 

____

“But then again, what can I expect from the girl who stopped talking to me _just because we had a crush on the same guy!_ ” 

____

Third blow and a K-O. 

There was a beat of silence where both of them understood the weight of what had been said. 

Sakura was surprised to see tears, but for once she wasn’t the one crying. She wasn't sad, she only felt hollowness in her heart and the painful ache of her most sensitive wounds being reopened. 

____

Ino was shaking in anger and Sakura knew that she had fucked up. Her eyes held so much anger that it paralyzed her right on the spot. Still, she would not be crushed, she kept her head high. She would take it, she would accept this pain, this shame because this was her mess to deal with, because she couldn't stay in her room and hide as she did before, because she was different. 

____

Ino knew what she had done, she had wanted every single one of her sentences to hurt, Sakura could tell that much, she stood there, breathing heavily, eyes red from freshly formed tears, this was more than a simple fight, Sakura had stricken a sensitive cord inside Ino and she had retaliated with more violence. In the end, Sakura couldn’t say if Ino was satisfied with the expression she had on her face, but she drank the rest of her can in a single gulp and stormed off, bumping Sakura with her shoulder. 

____

“You should hurry, your fight again Lee-san will start soon.” 

____

Her tone was ice cold. Sakura did not respond. She felt like it was the best thing she could do and she was pretty sure that she was right. 

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter i know but ill do my best to update the next chapter faster


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter today! hope yallz will like it

The public was roaring with excitement, the battles they had just seen where spectacular and Sakura knew that it would be a tough act to follow.

She did her best to clear her mind, she did not want to mess up everything, she had done enough already.  
She would not cry, she knew that she had done something wrong and she felt guilty for it. But she also knew how to manage that feeling, or at least how to ignore it until the end of the Chuunin exam.

Her fight against Lee-san would not be a catastrophe, she would give her best, as a medical ninja she needed to be able to keep her cool in any kind of situation and she would, even if every single cell of her body regretted everything she had said to Ino.

She meditated the best she could, calming herself, concentrating on the fight happening in front of her to get back into the correct mindset. 

She had a strategy to fight against Lee-san, it was a simple one, but it could work. She regretted showing off her strength earlier, she wouldn’t have the element of surprise anymore, but she needed to try this technic it at least once during a real fight, she couldn’t afford to break her hand during her fight against Lee-san she couldn’t waste her chakra to heal herself, not with what she wanted to do. She would need to stay focused. 

When she was face to face with Lee-san she couldn’t help but feel herself grow tense. She couldn’t fuck this up. She needed to do her best.

The referee announced the beginning of the fight and Sakura was not ready. Her mind froze for a second and Lee-san had already thrown the first punch.

She would not be able to dodge it. She protected her face the best she could with her arms. The punch made contact and Sakura winced. 

This wasn’t practice. 

She looked at Lee-san and he looked at her and she found what she wanted in his eyes, he looked at her like a challenge, like he was ready to give his best. With this, she would be able to fight to the fullest. With this, she would be able to forget the way Ino had looked so hurt after-

Lee-san’s knee connected with her stomach. Hard.

She felt the wind being knocked out of her and struggled to get it back inside. 

This was an awful start.

She needed to stay focused. 

She couldn’t get overwhelmed when he hadn’t even removed the weights on his legs yet.

She prepared herself for another attack. She knew Lee-san habit, she was used to fighting against him, she knew where he would be and what she would do. When she grabbed his fist, without even having to look behind her, there was a pause in the audience. Sakura went for his stomach. 

He dodged her elbow but Sakura was still gripping his hand, the moment she felt him move she used his momentum to spin him around, his feet not touching the ground, before she threw him over her shoulder, his body impacting the ring hard, breaking the stone.

“Shannaro!” she roared.

The public went wild.

Lee-san recovered fast and kicked her in the chin before she had the time to retreat, she retaliated with an uppercut that sent him flying. 

She checked her hand, no broken bones.

Lee-san had felt her fist, she knew it his lip had split open and she could already see a bruise forming. 

She frowned. 

If Tsunade-same had been in her place his jaw would have, at the very least, been broken.  
He ran towards her again and she stopped his round-kick, he continued his attack with a jab, a left hook, and another kick. Sakura dodged his attacks, knowing this sequence nearly by heart now. 

He dodged her elbow and stepped back, she followed starting a series of punches and kicks. She leapt and threw a diving punch, he got out of the way. 

The floor broke in half. 

Lee-san opened the first gate. 

Sakura knew what was coming but she couldn’t stop Lee’s Primary Lotus. 

She stopped the first low kick but took the round-kick at full force.  
She took a second one and a third and then she was in the air, the pummeling continued for a while before she felt Lee-san’s bandages around her body as she was spun around at high velocity before hitting the ground. 

Lee-san was already in position, one arm behind his back, his stance perfect.

Sakura healed herself, starting with the internal bleeding caused by her ribs perforating her lungs. 

He wasn’t going to let her finish though. He charged, his punch connecting with Sakura’s form, which disappeared in a puff of smoke. A replacement technic

He turned around and saw no one. He stood still, alert and searching for any sign of her.

Sakura could breathe normally again, she needed to do something about her fractured bones now, she knew that Lee-san would break her genjutsu in no time, she retreated and threw three kunai at him, he deflected them, indicating Sakura that just like she thought, he wasn’t affected by her jutsu anymore. 

Sakura could put her full weight on her left leg again. This time she was the one charging, Lee-san dodged most of her attacks, but she was able to get him with the last one, he took it straight into the abdomen and he flew across the ring and got encased into the wall. 

Sakura heard Tenten-san’s voice encouraging Lee-san through the cacophony of shouts and applause, she could also hear Kiba getting agitated. She smiled, but it only lasted a second as she looked at the dissipating cloud of smoke obscuring Lee-san.

She felt more than she saw Lee-san drop his weights, they slammed against the ground and she felt it shook beneath her feet as another puff of dust was lifted off the ground.  
She did not even give herself the time to smile before she threw a smoke bomb and disappeared inside.  
This was what she had been waiting for. 

She bit her thumb, drawing blood.

_'Katsuyu-sama please lend me your strength.'_

She formed the seals.

Boar

Dog

Bird

Monkey

Ram

“Kuchiyose no jutsu!”

A big red slug with golden aureolas on the back greeted her sight. 

“Hello!”

“Wh-?!”

She scooped up the slug and let it wrap itself around her arms and neck, already feeling Lee-san approaching. 

She escaped the smoke just as Lee-san entered it.

“You’re not Katsuyu-sama!” she panicked, looking at her new slug friend that was obviously not Katsuyu-sama

“My name is Katsuki!”

“I’m- oof!”

She took Lee-san’s knee right in the face as she was pushed back a few meters. 

 

“Sakura-san you shouldn’t get distracted or else this fight is going to be over in no time!”

 

Sakura gritted her teeth and punched him square in the face sending him across the ring and he went to crash on the opposite wall, but he was back in no time.

 

“I’m Sakura!” 

 

Left hook, uppercut and diving punch.

 

“Shannaro!” she felt the ground slip upon impact, “Damn, missed! Can you heal?!”

 

Lee-san was already on her, she had missed him opening the second and third gate, he was running in circles around her so fast that she couldn’t even see him correctly, he was only a blur of green and black. She protected herself the best she could. He was more kicks and punches than a definite form.

“No, but I can do this!”

The slug let out a wave of acidic fluid around her. Lee-san immediately retreated but Sakura could see the ground quickly dissolving around her as well as some of Lee-san’s clothing quickly burning away and exposing melting flesh. Even through all of the adrenaline, Sakura could still feel a pang of guilt and worry hit her. 

“My acid is one of the strongest!”

Seeing Lee-san approach, it added,

“I can also do this!”

It released a powerful fireball, forcing Lee-san to retreat once again. Sakura could not help but marvel at the intensity of the heat. 

“Hey, Pinky! Can you use Earth-style jutsu?”

“I, uh, I’ve never tried?”

“Just form the Tiger hand-seal and let me take care of the rest!”

She did as she was told pushing her worry for her friend aside, trying in vain to reassure herself that no matter what happened there were medical ninja in the backroom.  
She felt weird as her Chakra was being molded by someone else before being released from her body, it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. 

Katsuki spit a huge wave of lava, Sakura could feel the heat licking her body as she started sweating. Lee-san was still retreating, Katsuki was still producing lava and Sakura had to step back as it was dangerously approaching her feet. The melted rocks started spreading and she could see on the corner of her eye referees using water style ninjutsu to stop it from destroying most of the structure of the arena, and some wind-style users clearing the vapor created so that the fight could go on undisturbed.

She tried to get used to the sensation of having her Chakra being yanked out of her body as she looked anxiously at Lee-san dodging waves and waves of lava.  
Just as she was going to order Katsuki to stop, as the lava had cornered Lee-san, the flow suddenly ended, and Sakura felt her knees buckle. 

“Oops, I used too much! Sorry!”

The red slug disappeared in a puff of smoke. 

Sakura was left panting, she could barely stand on her legs. Lee-san was already jumping across the river of lava; he thankfully hadn’t been touched by it.  
They only had half of the ring left as the other part was still occupied by a huge quantity of cooling lava.

Sakura was exhausted. Katsuki had used most of her Chakra on an attack that had been mostly ineffective, she could feel her legs trembling, still, Chakra exhaustion was something she was used to as a medical ninja.  
She looked at the amount of damage she did to Lee-san and felt the fire in her gut spread to her whole body again. She was revigorated, adrenaline giving her enough energy to finish this fight with a bang.

Lee-san was also panting, her punches and kicks had been making some damage after all, his left foot was also injured, having been touched by Katsuki’s acid. 

He opened a fourth gate. 

Sakura knew that she would not be able to dodge the Reverse Lotus, but she was determined to endure it. The first kick sent her in the air, with each hit she drew in her already low Chakra reserves to heal herself. She thought she was doing okay until she hit the ground and got the wind knocked out of her. She contorted in pain, the fire in her body was still not extinguished though. She got up, surprising Lee-san and herself. 

Her whole body was in pain, but still, she threw punches after punches and kicks after kicks.

 

Lee-san was in bad shape and she knew that if she pushed herself just a little bit harder, then she might beat him.  
There would be no fancy moved used in this fight, only Taijutsu. They continued to fight illuminated by the red glow of the lava, the heat around them nothing compared to the intensity of their determination to beat the other.

This went on until finally, Sakura fell to her knees as she lost consciousness.

 

She was woken up by her hungry stomach, Tenten-san, Choji, Hinata, Kiba and Shino were by her side congratulating her on her fight, she scanned the room for Ino and was disappointed to see that she wasn’t by her side. 

“Sakura you were awesome! I didn’t know that you could use Lava-style jutsu!” Tenten-san said cheerfully, “You were holding back on us, huh?” She jokingly reprimanded Sakura, giving her a noogie, which elicited a string of groans from her. “I guess that it’s just as expected of Tsunade-sama’s student!” she said, stars in her eyes as she mentioned her idol, “Just wait until I steal your seat!” She added with a glare.

Sakura did her best to respond with her usual bratty attitude, but Tenten-san could probably feel that it was forced. She looked at her fondly before patting her head. Sakura blushed, embarrassed to be treated like a kid. 

“Sakura!” Kiba started loudly, “You were on fire out there! We should fight one of these days, it might be interesting!” 

“Are you sure about that Kiba? Why am I asking? Because I think that she would crush you easily.” 

“What?! Repeat that to my face again!”

The two of them started bickering.

 

Sakura sighed before finally noticing the insisting glances Hinata was giving her as if she had something to say.  
Sakura looked at her expectantly, with a curious expression on her face. 

Finally, Hinata inhaled before taking a serious expression.

“I would like to fight you too Sakura-san! I feel like I might learn a lot if I practice with you!” she finished with a bow.

Sakura was baffled, she hadn’t expected to hear that from Hinata. 

She felt herself relax.

“Sure,” she smiled, after her defeat against Lee-san this truly made her happy, “Let us give our best!” she finished, bowing the best she could with her body hurting all over. 

Hearing that Kiba turned around.

“Wait what about my challenge?!”

“Eh? Sakura your number of rivals continues to increase!” Tenten-san teased her. 

Hearing the world rival, she was violently reminded how her number one rival, her original rival, the first to acknowledge her, wasn’t here with her.  
Her smile dropped a little. Tenten-san gave her another pat on the head before rounding everyone up and making them leave the infirmary. Sakura was thankful for that.

She laid on the bed, looking at the ceiling without actually looking at it, she sighed. 

She had recuperated some Chakra, but she still felt weak. She started healing herself. 

She had passed a whole week without studying, she would need to work extra hard after the end of the Chuunin exam, after all, she had exams on medical ninjutsu in two weeks that she needed to pass and even if she was confident in her medical ninjutsu skills her Shishoo would make sure to make it more difficult for her test. She then remembered that she still hadn’t finished learning the names of all medical and poisonous plants that could be found in the Forest of Death as well as the best method to use in order to treat a poisoned patient, she sighed it had taken her forever to get Mitarashi-sensei to give her all of the official records, and now the workload seem very intimidating.  
It wasn’t supposed to be in the exam, but Sakura had been more insistent with Tsunade-sama when it came to the subject of obtaining the official title of medical ninja and she knew that her Shishoo had been considering it very seriously, even if Shizune-san had some reservations. 

She remembered that she had taken some books with her, Tsunade-sama had excitedly told her that it was a new study on the use of Genjutsu to help people with phantom pain, she had only read a couple of pages, but it did seem very interesting, it would surely help her stop thinking about Ino. 

She located her bag on the ground, she would need to walk to get it. She had finished taking care of her bruises and cuts, but she couldn’t do anything about her fatigue. Yet. Plus, she didn’t have enough Chakra to mend her fractured bones.

She encouraged herself quietly before putting a foot and then the other on the ground. She slowly got up, not feeling confident in her ability to hold her own weight, but she was determined to get that thesis. She took a first step, nearly falling, she already regretted her decision to get up. She took another step.

Sakura heard Ino curse and sigh dramatically before she appeared at the window, climbing in without any difficulties. 

 

“?!”

“Shut up!”

Sakura frowned, she was about to retorque something, but her head was spinning and Ino was already leading her back to bed. 

When her head hit the pillow, she let out a big sigh of contentment. Ino was still cursing and fuming as she brought her her bag and gave her a food pill. 

 

“They don’t have anything else here!”

 

Sakura was still speechless.

“What did you even want in there?! A book? Is that what you wanted?”

“Y-yeah, thank you.”

“Here.”

She took the book and silence fell between the two of them. Ino was crossing her arms and looking out of the window she had just arrived from. Sakura decided to stay silent. 

 

“-grats.”

“What?”

“I said congrats! You fought very well against Lee-san!” she replied annoyed.

“Thank you.”

 

Another beat of silence.

 

“Sakura-”

“Ino-”

 

They went at the same time.

 

“Sakura let me go first.”

“What? No, you let me go first, I need to tell you something.”

“Well, I also need to tell you something! I’m starting, I-”

“No way, I really need to go first Ino!”

“Oh my god! Just let me apologi-”

“No way you’re not saying it first, Ino, I’m so sorr-”

“Shut up forehead! I’m the one who’s-”

“No, I’m-!”

 

Ino had grabbed her by the shoulder and was looking directly into her eyes. Green met Blue and Sakura’s voice trickled into silence.

“Sakura! I’m sorry for what I said earlier, even though you were being a bitch I shouldn’t have said that it was mean and uncalled for.” She averted her gaze, “I know how you feel about Naruto and Sasuke leaving, and I used that against you, to hurt you. I shouldn’t have. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

“No, you were right Ino to be angry Ino. I know that you didn't mean what you said.”

“What are you-”

“You let Choji win, didn’t you?”

Ino frowned.

“How do you know? Did Cho-”

“You just gave me the confirmation.”

 

Ino stayed silent.

 

“You had decided to let Choji win because you couldn’t bear the thought of hurting your friend and I started reprimanding you for not attacking him as if you were that sort of person.” Her shoulders drooped. “I’m sorry, Ino, I shouldn’t have said that, we had been talking about the Chuunin exam for so long! And still you decided to let Choji win, I understand why you were so frustrated, I should have understood that earlier.” She clenched her fists, “What can you expect from the person who abandons her best friend,” she laughed dryly “though I guess I was abandoned right back, it really is the worst” she felt tears prickle the side of her eyes, but she wouldn’t cry in front of Ino, “I’m sorry Ino, I shouldn’t have ended our friendship like that-”

“Sakura I didn’t think any of what I said back then you don’t have to-”

“But I want to apologize Ino!” she looked at her desperately, “ever since the day you knocked on my bedroom door, ever since the last Chuunin exam, ever since the day I told you that we weren’t friends anymore! Ever since then I wanted to apologize to you!” she would not let her tears fall, she sighed “Truth is, I’ve always, always been jealous of you, I’ve always admired you, I could never stop myself from comparing us, you were always cuter, always smarter, always stronger, you had a lot of friends and a lot of self-confidence… you were always the goal I was trying to reach.” Her breathing was shallow, but still, she held her head up, “when I learned that you had a crush on Sasuke-kun- ” the mention of his name created a tension so thick you could have choked on it, “I don’t know what happened, I just couldn’t bear the thought…” _of you loving Sasuke-kun._ “And then I was so hung up on my pride that days of not talking to you became weeks, months, and even years. I'm so sorry Ino, I should have apologized sooner.”

There was a moment where Sakura could a turmoil of emotions inside Ino's eyes. Finally, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hugging herself.

“Sakura,” Ino started, voice weak, “When you stopped talking to me, I was hurt."

Sakura felt her heart compress and her guts wrench but continued to look straight into Ino’s eyes, she would not run away from her mistakes anymore and today, she would confront one of the biggest one she ever did. 

“I was also so angry; how could you just stop talking to me like that?" Sakura saw years of pain and hurt in her eyes and she finally understood the extent of what she had done. "Did our friendship really meant so little to you?!” she started shaking, “Sakura, I was so betrayed, for a long time I thought that I hated you.” 

Sakura took the blow.

“But I just, I just couldn’t,” she sighed, “I wanted to talk to you again, but I was so angry!” she let her tears fall freely, “and then you would always try to compete with me and it felt like you wanted to leave me behind again! Like you wanted to spite me, to show me that you didn’t need me anymore,” she wiped them off her face, trying to control her breathing, “but, our constant competition... it was also pretty fun, it’s like you had finally started to transform from a bud to a flower and we could finally talk as equal.”

“It was more like “scream to each other’s face” as equal,” Sakura joked. 

Ino snorted and sat on the bed next to her.

“Before you were always hiding behind me and whenever we talked you would always look at the ground,” she said with a reprimanding but fond expression on her face, “But then you started looking at me head on and I was impressed to see how much you had changed, even though you were an annoying bitch.” 

The stayed like this for a while in a comfortable silence.

“Ino,” Sakura started, grabbing her hand, “I swear to you that I won’t ever do anything like that again. You are a very important person to me and I want you to know that.”

She looked at Sakura with a weird expression on her face and Sakura felt a strange sensation in her stomach, it was different from the usual anxiety induced uncomfortable feeling she was familiar with, this was more pleasant. 

“Well, of course, I know that you wouldn’t be able to do anything without me forehead.” She hummed.

Sakura could only smile as she felt herself drifting off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

“SAKURA! THEY ARE COMING! HONEY BRING OUT THE TEA!”

Her mother’s booming voice reverberated inside their house. Ever since the end of the chuunin exam, her home had been buzzing with restless energy. 

The result of the exam had been delayed for three whole weeks and Sakura and all her friends had been dying in anticipation, well, all except for Neji-san. Her medical exam had gone well too, really well actually, she had been surprised by the simplicity of it. 

She was able to relax for a week now, thought her ego had taken a slight blow when she fought Hinata and realized that she might not actually be the genin with the best Taijutsu skill after Team 11 like she had boldly declared.   
Sure, in raw power alone Sakura was stronger, but Hinata’s technic was as good as Neji-san’s. She was sure that if she challenged him, the results would be very different from what happened last year.   
She was impressed by her progression, one step at a time she became better, her technic sharper, faster and more precise than ever, her movements practised and confident, she didn’t have to make up for anything. She could keep up with Sakura even without having trained with Gai-sensei. 

 

She quickly ran down the stairs and hid behind a wall to eavesdrop on the conversation between her mother, who was trying to feign a calm and composed demeanor, and the messenger. Her heart beat excitedly, and even though she knew that nothing had been confirmed yet, she was already enveloped by smugness as she imagined Naruto’s face upon learning that she had been promoted Chuunin when he was still a genin. She couldn’t stop a mocking smirk to form on her face.  
After some polite excuses and refusing her parent’s invitation to drink some tea and celebrated with them, the messenger left. The door was closed, and Sakura didn’t even have the time to ask them about the conversation that they were already hugging her so hard that she started worrying about broken ribs. The three of them cheered and jumped excitedly, her parent’s happiness quickly passing on to her. 

Sakura may or may not have bragged for ten minutes in front of her parents and they may or may not have informed the whole village that their wonderfully talented daughter had become a chuunin at only 14 years old, and oh yes she was also training under Tsunade-sama, oh didn’t you know? She was a talented medical ninja, Tsunade-sama called Sakura her best student, right in front of Shizune-san. 

She encountered some of her friends on the way to her Shishoo’s office, most of them were already inside Tsunade-sama’s office and she wondered if she was late for a second. A quick look around told her that she wasn't though, as her mentor wasn't even in the office at the moment. She also noticed something that let her pleasantly surprised. All of her classmates had made, there stood Ino and Choji, Tenten-san, Lee-san and Neji-san and finally Kiba, Hinata and Shino. A wave of happiness and pride washed over her.   
Ino shot her an excited look as she entered the room and she waved energetically at her.   
Sakura noticed that she was standing next to Choji and felt a wave of relief. She had tried to stay away from the subject as much as she could, she understood that the two of them needed to talk in private.   
Tenten-san was probably the most excited person in the room. Sakura smiled as she realized that she would finally be able to meet her hero face to face. She had hugged Sakura as soon as she has seen her and continued to squeal happily as the moment where she would meet her idol approached. 

Tsunade-sama entered the room and all chatter dissipated. The solemn realization that they would all become Chuunin, that they would be adults in the eyes of the village hitting them at full force. It humbled Sakura, it felt like the concretization of her hard work. As Tsunade-sama was talking about responsibilities, honor, devotion, she felt her convictions become stronger. 

She would protect.

She would fight.

She would endure.

She would make her home safe, for her parents, for her friends, for villagers like Teuchi-san and Ayame-san, she would be dependable. 

They would obey and serve as a shinobi for the sake of the village and that until their retirement or their death. 

Any non-authorized leave would be considered as a defection and they would be tracked, captured, interrogated and, depending on the situation, imprisoned or executed.   
Traitors did not have this privilege and would be killed on sight.

Sakura’s stomach dropped as she heard those words. She knew that Naruto was fine, (or was he? No, he was, definitely, Tsunade-sama was aware that he went to train with Jiraya) but Sasuke-kun had been missing for an entire year now but he was still a genin, did he count? He quit the village to join Orochimaru, was he considered a traitor? Was his name in the Bingo Book? How would Naruto react to that? 

She took a deep breath, calming down. She would ask Tsunade-sama later, she needed to be ready to hear any types of news, she did not know what she would do if Sasuke-kun was really considered a traitor, but she needed to stay calm, a ninja doesn’t show emotion, she needed to drill that in her skull now. 

She was restless up until the end of Tsunade-sama’s speech. Finally, her Master paused congratulated them with a huge smile and dismissed them. Kiba, Shino, Lee-san and Neji-san started to leave but Sakura was surprised to see that the others did not. She looked at Tenten-san, Ino, Hinata and Choji quizzically.  
They hadn’t planned whatever was going to happen together and it showed in the way they were shooting confused looks to each other.   
In the end, Ino and Tenten started talking at the same time, they bickered for a while before Ino took decisive steps towards Tsunade-sama’s desk and slammed her fist against the table causing an amused smirk to play on her face. Tenten-san gasped in angry shock, Sakura saw that she was planning on grabbing Ino’s shirt but, because of the anger or because Ino moved unexpectedly, she grabbed her hair and yanked, screaming at her to bow in apology. Ino wasn’t listening to her though, she was also screaming profanities at Tenten-san who still hadn’t let go of her hair. 

Tsunade-sama stopped looking at them when the first elbow blow connected, letting them fight it off. She stared at Choji and Hinata who looked like they wanted to disappear in the ground. They were both standing straight up, rigid and tense. Choji didn’t seem to be talking any soon, Hinata took a deep breath, but her voice was drowned out by a cry from Ino that sounded more like a crow’s than a human's as Tenten put her in a chokehold. Tsunade-sama shot them a look, before asking Hinata to repeat herself.

She did but her voice was barely a whisper, she had started trembling and avoided the inquisitive intense look of the Fifth Hokage. She started visibly sweating and to stutter. 

Sakura felt bad for her but she was also curious as to what was happening, so when her shifting gaze met hers, she gestured her to speak louder.   
Hinata kept her gaze on Sakura who was now instructing her to breathe slower, she quietly continued cheering on her as she finally started looking Tsunade-sama in the eyes.  
As she started speaking Sakura gave her a thumbs up and nodded approvingly.

“Godaime-sama! It-it would be an honor for me if you accepted to train me in medical ninjutsu!” she finally let out loudly, bowing deeply.

That brought an abrupt end to Ino and Tenten’s fighting who scrambled to their feet and did their best to put on a mask of dignity, stating that this had also been their intention and bowing, Choji quickly joined the movement too.

Sakura grinned smugly, it hadn’t been this much of a fuck up when she came to ask. 

Tsunade-sama was resting her chin on her crossed fingers an amused smile on her face. 

 

“No.” She said.

 

Silence fell in the room. Sakura frowned as she saw the faces of her friends decompose one by one, except Ino’s, she was about to retorque something, but Sakura was faster.

 

“But Shishoo, why? I thought that you wanted a medical ninja in every team? You’re always going on on the lack of medical ninja in the field, I’m sure that all of them could make-”

“Sakura.” Tsunade-sama glared at her, Sakura was already used to it though, she did not falter though she did fall back in line.

“Yes Shishoo.” she shut her mouth, her frown persisting, showing her master that the matter had not been settled.

“As I was saying, I cannot be your Master. I could handle Sakura because she was the only one, I cannot afford to make time for other students, especially not for four newbies that know nothing of medical ninjutsu, I am already too busy! Do you think being the Hokage is a lovely walk in the parc?!” she paused, the four of them buried themselves deeper in a shameful silence, “… But I can make sure to supervise your training with Shizune. I can feel your potential. Hinata your Byakugan will surely be a great advantage for medical ninjutsu, the capacity to see chakra flow will be very useful,"

"Y-Yes!" she responded, still bowing.

"Ino you were always in the top 3 of your classes, I have great expectations for you, your teacher also told me that you were very dependable and responsible,"

Ino also bowed and blushed, not expecting to receive praise after her lack of manners.

"Tenten your tenacity is one of your greatest qualities, not only that your amount of Chakra you possess is impressive,"

Tenten-san seemed to be two seconds away from passing out from happiness, she couldn't even form the words 'thank you' because of how much her voice was trembling.

"Choji, your teacher told me about your sensitive nature, kindness is very important for a medical ninja. I approve of your decision to learn medical ninjutsu."

He scratched his cheeks bashfully, taking the praise.

"Your teachers will be notified of this new development, and a new schedule will be arranged. You are now dismissed. Except you Sakura!”

 

Sakura felt her shoulder relax and she shot excited looks to her friends, they all seemed relatively happy, especially Choji, though Sakura could feel the disappointment radiating from Tenten-san. 

They all left the room. 

Sakura bowed.

“I’m sorry for interrupting you earlier! I spoke out of terms!”

She heard her Shishoo chuckle, and she stood straight once again. 

“Congratulation on your new title Sakura. I heard that you surprised everybody by using the Summoning Jutsu, I didn’t think that you would get a hang of it so fast! I am very proud Sakura.” She said, looking at her with a kind smile.

Sakura felt a wave of happiness wash over her. Her grin could not become bigger, hearing those words from Tsunade-sama meant a lot.

“Don’t worry about earlier, you stood up for your friends, it’s a good quality to have." her expression turned into a teasing one, "Although, would you really be fine with me passing less time supervising you?” she asked with a mocking grin. “Just last week you were angry because you thought that I wasn't spending enough time with you.” she finished crossing her arms over her chest.

Sakura blushed remembering her embarrassing outburst the other day, she remembered sounding exactly like Naruto whenever he would complain about being lonely because his mentor didn't train him properly. 

“Wha-?! I didn’t say it like that! I said that I wanted you to teach me more things!” she started grumbling, “Working with Shizune-san is fine, but I learn faster when you are the one teaching me.” 

Tsunade-sama laughed. 

“You are already learning at a very quick pace, Sakura! At this rhythm, I just might start teaching you how to get this.” She said pointing to the diamond-shaped seal on her forehead.

 

Sakura’s heartbeat picked up and her eyes widened. Even Shizune-san hadn’t been able to get the Hundred Healings Mark.

 

“But first, you need to become an official medical ninja.” She paused, she had Sakura’s entire attention, “Sakura. You passed the written test with flying colors, and you did it in record time, not only that, your practical knowledge and quick thinking already make you perfect for the job, I can easily say that your skills are far superior to those of already practising medic-nin.”

 

Sakura kept taking each praise from Tsunade-sama, her heart swelling with pride.

 

“But,”

 

Sakura frowned.

 

“As Shizune told me, you are too young, your status as a medical ninja would mean that you could be sent on very dangerous missions, especially now that you are a Chuunin. I can’t let that happen.”  
"What?"

 

Sakura felt only anger towards Shizune-san, she felt robbed, she couldn’t help but feel bitter, the thought of Shizune-san stopping her from reaching her goal infuriated her. She balled up her fists.

So that was why Tsunade-sama had been particularly kind to her. She just wanted her to accept her decision quietly.

 

“Kakashi-sensei was younger than me when he became a Jonin! I’m sure that I can handle an S-rank mission! Plus, you said that I passed the test! I deserve to become an official medical ninja!”

 

Tsunade-sama sighed, probably expecting this type of reaction from her. 

Sakura was red in the face. How could she fail when she did everything perfectly? Why wasn’t it enough? 

 

“Sakura!”

 

This time her master’s voice didn’t make her fall back in line.

 

“Let me at least try to prove myself! Worst case scenario, you were right!”

“Worst case scenario, you die! Sakura this is not a game, you’re still not used to life or death situations, you haven’t seen death, haven’t taken a life yet, A and S rank missions are different from what you’re habituated! In a few years-”

“Years?!”

“Yes, years-”

“Put me to the test!”

 

Tsunade-sama sighed.

 

“What does my age have to do with my aptitudes? This is ridiculous! On the contrary the faster I’ll be able to confront real combat, the faster I’ll be able to get better!”

“You do not understand Sakura, the things you will see, the things you will do, you will need time to come to terms-”

“You don’t know that!”

 

Tsunade clicked her tongue and closed her eyes for a second, clearly annoyed at Sakura’s behavior.

 

“…Fine.” She frowned, “You want to see the violence of battle for yourself? Sure, just don’t come back crying. I’ll assign you a mission, an A-rank one. As a medical ninja. If the mission is accomplished you’ll get to keep the title, however, you will follow the three rules of a medical ninja. Your teammates will report to me any transgression from your part.”

 

Her mentor was looking at her with cold eyes and Sakura was already second-guessing herself, she was trying to intimidate her, and it worked.

 

“Of course, you can back down,” she added with a condescending raise of an eyebrow, “you have until the day of the mission to do so.” She grabbed a pencil and one of the stacks of papers positioned on her desk, without even looking at her she added, “Dismissed.”

 

She left the office, in deep thoughts. She realized that she hadn’t even asked her Master about Sasuke-kun. She sighed. 

Exiting the building, she found everyone still waiting for her, all new Chuunins, their teachers, Kakashi-sensei, and Shikamaru was there too. 

Before she could even start wondering what was happening, Gai-sensei had already hugged her and congratulated her for her new title, he was also crying, had probably been doing so since he learned that his students had become Chuunins. Kakashi-sensei congratulated her too, putting a hand on her shoulder and nodding. After chitchatting with most of them, especially with Ino who’s excitement was contagious, she felt a little bit of that happiness from earlier come back, telling her that she was still a Chuunin, even if she wasn’t a medical ninja. Yet.

 

Thankfully neither Ino nor Kakashi-sensei asked her about her medical ninja license. 

It allowed her to clear her mind a little, she celebrated with the others the best she could, taking advantage of the fact that it was their sensei’s treat today. 

Kurenai-sensei and Asuma-sensei, as well as their now ex-genin team, took off on their own soon enough though. Probably wanting to celebrate properly in their own private ways. Sakura knew that Ino had to receive earrings from her sensei as a rite of passage or something like that.   
In the end, only Gai-sensei and his team stuck around her and Kakashi-sensei.   
She was glad for that. She liked Kakashi-sensei but most of the time, whenever they stayed together, the absence of her teammates was made more palpable, when they were training they kept their minds busy and it wasn’t really a problem, but it always looked like Kakashi-sensei expected her to blame him while she was mostly blaming herself. 

After several long speeches on how proud he was of them, and how he was glad to be able to pass the torch to such promising ninjas, and also crying, Gai-sensei started throwing around suggestion of challenges to celebrate.   
In the end Lee-san, Neji-san, Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei where competitively running laps and other various activities Sakura had no interest in partaking in. She sat quietly with Tenten-san, the two of them sighing every once in a while. After a depression silence though, Tenten-san finally spoke.

“You know, Sakura,” she started, sighing, “I don’t know if the fact that you don’t come from a famous ninja clan comforts me or on the contrary makes me feel more inadequate.”

“What?”

“I mean, look at you, you’re younger than me and yet we became Chuunin at the same time, plus you’re Tsunade-sama’s precious student! If at least you had come from one of the noble families, I could have comforted myself by telling me that it couldn’t be helped that she would choose you over me, but no, we're in the same situation,” she pouted shoulder dropping. “I wanted her to teach me so bad…” 

Sakura could see tears of frustration forming in the corners of her eyes before she sighed and wiped them away. She didn’t know how to comfort her, she had been too much absorbed in her own misery that she had forgotten about Tenten-san’s own sadness. She didn’t need to put too much thought into it though, as Tenten-san was up and kicking the very next second.

 

“I can’t just mope around!” she said practicing a few left-right combos, “If I work hard Tsunade-sama might accept to be my mentor!” she stretched her legs, “Sakura, I don’t know what got you feeling so down right now but we have to do our best right?”

She extended her hand, helping Sakura get on her feet and smiling at her. Sakura wondered where all her disappointment had run to, Sakura stayed quiet for a while, wondering if maybe, this was how having an older sister felt like. She smiled the best she could, telling herself that one day she would tell her just how cool she thought she was.

They ended up racing towards the boys, happily shouting at them to let them participate in whatever silly challenges they had been having. Tenten-san won.

That day she found herself writing furiously to Naruto, telling him all about her day and mostly complaining about Shizune-san. She knew that he would be steaming with jealousy when he would learn that everyone had become a Chuunin except him. She secretly hoped that it might make him come home, after all, if he came back in less than five months, he might still be able to pass the Chuunin exam. 

She didn’t talk about Sasuke though. Instead, she promised him that she would tell him all about her A-rank mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhh sowwy for taking so long to update!! college is kicking my ass to say the least! still i hope you'll enjoy! not a lot of action in this one but yay, yallz girl is now a chuunin!


	6. Chapter 6

Sakura stomped her way towards Tsunade’s office, eyes wide with fury, clothes dirty, blood spilling from the hand that was gripping the scroll so hard her fingernails broke the skin, insides on fire.  
She slammed the door open, not caring that her master was in the middle of a discussion with a Jonin. He was startled by her sudden appearance and was dismissed almost immediately after. Shizune-san stopped filling the documents she was holding and looked at her worriedly.

Tsunade kept her calm, not even surprised.

Sakura’s nose flared up. 

The Hokage looked at her with a cold disinterest that nearly brought her to tears and she waited for Sakura to say her piece.

 

“Just what is the meaning of this?” she started voice trembling, “Just what is the meaning of this?!” she opened the blank scroll and held it accusatorily in front of her Shishoo’s face.

Tsunade’s eyebrows shot up quizzically.

 

“The mission stated that you were strictly forbidden to open the scroll, Sakura.” 

 

Her answer hit her like a ten-thousand-pound boulder and she felt a burning pain in her chest.

 

“I…” she felt like her throat was being squeezed by a serpent trying to choke out any sound she made.

Her head was still buzzing, the blood, the screams, the fighting, she had known that this mission would be different compared to her older missions but there was no way she could have been prepared for that. 

Her captain had been a pathetic excuse of a ninja, cowardly, proud, and always screaming.  
He made bad decisions upon bad decisions but still, she obeyed because that was what she was supposed to do. 

He was the reason they ended up trapped in enemy territory with little food and water supplies, her comrades getting squashed one after the other.  
She did her best to save those that could be saved but never had she expected to live her first failures that soon, how could everything end so fast?  
An explosion, a slit throat, that’s all it took sometimes.  
The smell of burned meat and blood, it was frightening to see how fast she had grown accustomed to them.  
What had been insupportable though was the screams, those would haunt her for a long time.  
Fifty people, that’s how many they were in the beginning, she had been the only medical ninja of the team, twenty-nine of them came back. 

That was twenty-one losses. 

Some because she hadn’t been fast enough because she had misjudged the severity of an injury, because she had been too tired.  
Thinking about it again made her want to vomit, the guilt was so tangible she could feel it sitting in the pit of her stomach, hurting so much she was tempted to rip it out of her. It had been a long seven weeks. 

She had felt so much fear and anger and sadness. 

Still, she couldn’t express any of it, she was standing inside the office of the woman she had admired ever since she had met her, but who, at that instant, was probably the person she hated the most, and she was hyperventilating unable to process any of those painful feelings. 

“I… wasn’t the one who opened the scroll”, she finally let out, “this was courtesy of a ninja from Iwagakure.” 

Every word burned her throat like acid, her body prickled with anger. She was barely standing, the fatigue, both emotional and physical, was getting to her and she knew that the only thing keeping her up was the hurt of having been betrayed by someone she trusted.

She threw the scroll on Tsunade’s desk, leaving a noticeable dent on it.

Before she even knew what was happening an ANBU ninja was already pointing a kunai at her throat in warning. Shizune-san moved to get in between them but one look from Tsunade made her stop.

Tsunade did not even flinch, she dismissed the fox-masked ninja after a few seconds, and Sakura understood her message. She was being put back in her place.

“Sakura,” she started fingers crossed in front of her mouth, “this is the world you will live in now. This is what being a shinobi is all about.”

Her knees buckled and for a second her heart hurt so much that she was worried she was going to lose consciousness. 

“Being deceived?! Sent to die for nothing?!” she gestured toward the scroll. “This isn’t-”

“Following orders. That is your utmost priority Sakura, even if in the end you do end up dying protecting something that has no apparent value.”

She opened her mouth to say something but was immediately cut off.

“Everything is done for a reason Sakura, even if you don’t think there is one.”

“And what was the reason?! Why did those people have to die?! Why did I have to-” her eyes filled themselves with tears, she wiped them away angrily, “Why?!”

“…”

Tsunade sighed.

“You are not entitled to any more information about this mission. In fact, you will be the one answering questions. The scroll, did you show it to anyone?”

“Wh-”

“Do not play dumb Sakura! Answer the question! Who else knows about what is on this scroll?!”

“N-No one-”

“Tell me the truth!”

“I swear I’m the only one! When the Iwagakure shinobi opened it, I was the only one present! I’m the one who-” she couldn’t get the words out, “I-, I wanted to-”

“What about the Iwagakure ninja?! How can you be sure they didn’t report what they saw?!”

“He couldn’t have!”

“How can you be so sure?! Sakura, I need you to-”

“Because I killed him! I’m the one who killed him, he is dead he couldn’t have said anything!” 

“Wha-?!”

“Tsunade-sama!” Shizune-san finally interjected, “That’s enough! Just look at her!” 

She put herself between them, shielding Sakura with her own body glaring daggers at the Hokage.  
Sakura held onto Shizune-san’s robes, feeling like a small child yet again.

Tsunade’s blank face was replaced by a mask of shock.

Still crying, Sakura continued her tale.

“I took his life the moment he started reading it! I tried to tell the captain where I thought he might be, but he wouldn’t listen! I went on my own, I tracked him, found him, waited until he was distracted by the scroll and I-, he died right in front of my eyes, he couldn’t have told anyone!” her voice was trembling, her eyes were burning with tears “and I did it for nothing! An empty scroll! Even then I thought of myself as a coward for not having the strength to finish him more rapidly, but I was telling myself that what I was doing was necessary, that it was for the village, that he would have done the same to me, that this was what being a ninja entailed! I tried to convince myself of that but that’s when I caught sight of what was inside and since then I-” she was openly weeping now. 

Tsunade’s face softened, showing a worried expression that Sakura had trouble believing in.

“Sakura, I-” she stopped herself and sighed, “you are dismissed, you can go now.”

Shizune-san escorted her out of the room, keeping a reassuring hold on her. She brought her to her own office and sat her down.

She sighed and offered her a tissue, taking the time to heal her hand.

“I told her that it was too soon.” She grumbled, “She is always like this, she never listens to me!”

Sakura didn’t say anything, she let Shizune-san talk, looking in her direction without truly seeing her as she prepared some tea. Placing a cup in front of her, she settled next to her. The odor was familiar somehow.

“It’s one of the pros of having an expert in plants as a student I guess, Ino brought it over the day of her first class.” She said with a small smile.

She opened her mouth to say something but closed it as she understood that she wouldn’t be able to make a coherent sentence. She wasn’t even sure she had anything to say.

Shizune-san seemed satisfied with her reaction, thinking that Sakura might be more open for conversation now or at least that she was in a state that allowed her to listen.

 

“Sakura, I’m sorry that you had to experience that,” she winced, “so soon.” 

 

This last word rung inside her, echoing in her mind, she felt uncomfortable with how it sounded. She wasn’t stupid, she knew that being a ninja meant that she might kill other people, she knew of her teacher’s reputation, she heard of her Maste-, of the Hokage-sama’s accomplishment during the war, she knew of the terror that came with realizing that one’s life might end, but the reality of it, the reality of killing someone, she only understood it after having ended a life herself. 

 

“Tsunade-sama has always been like this, she is too hard on her student,” she sighed, “I’m not the only one who asked her to train them but I am the only one who stuck with her. I think that you understand why now.”

 

Sakura nodded slowly and Shizune sighed.

 

“I assure you that Tsunade-sama thought that what she was doing was for the best, Sakura, she is hard on you but believe me when I say that she has a lot of expectations for you. She is always saying that you hold potential, that you will surely surpass even her, you have no idea just how impressed with your abilities and your knowledge she is.”

 

Sakura looked away shyly and tried to make herself look smaller, embarrassed at the sudden praise.

 

“Look at me, Sakura.”

 

She did.

 

“The mission you have been sent to do, it was supposed to be a suicide mission, normally we wouldn’t have expected more than five of them to come back alive.”

 

Sakura frowned.

 

“What do you mean?” she asked, anger sparking in her voice again.

“It was a decoy mission Sakura; the real scroll was being transported by Jonins.”

“What?!”

“Calm down, you can ask your teacher, it happens a lot, most of the time the ninjas know that the scroll they are transporting is a fake, but sometimes…” she sighed, “well, you already know. My point is, the council picked, for lack of better words, disposable ninjas-”

“Disposable?! How dar-”

“That’s what is written on paper Sakura. Those who were sent were ninjas with questionable records, those that, to speak like those old geezers, costed more than they were worth.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?! How is that-”

“Sakura, this is the world of a ninja, you are the tools of the village, you build and destroy by order of the council, this is what Tsunade-sama and I were trying to…” she paused, “she felt like you needed to see this for yourself. From the moment you have met her, you said that you wanted to become more powerful, why? You need to understand that your strength will be used to do things you might not want to do…” She put her hand on her shoulder, “I’m not saying to you should quit being a ninja, look at what you accomplished, how many lives you saved, you brought back more than half of your platoon when we were expecting five of them. Do you see just how one great medical ninja can drastically improve everyone’s chances of survival? You surpassed everyone’s expectation. After this, you will definitely get your medical ninja license, but is that what you really want? This is a cruel world you are stepping into,” she frowned “you are still so young, you could decide to take a break, wait a few years see if this is really what you want to do. You could devote yourself entirely to medicine, god knows this sector needs more people.”

 

She kept her mouth closed.

 

“You should go now… and, I’m sorry Sakura, but you can’t say anything to your parents, I shouldn’t even have told you this, it’s classified info-”

“I get it. Thank you, Shizune-san.”

“You won’t have to worry about any missions, for now, rest well Sakura.”

 

She went home. Her parents were already waiting for her, she tried to put on a smile for them, but they probably knew something was wrong, they probably thought that it was because of the mission and they weren’t wrong in a sense. She skipped lunch, telling her parents that she was too tired, and they let her be. After a couple of hours, she heard someone knocking at the door.

She grunted, letting her parents know that she was still feeling tired, after hearing her door opening and closing though, she emerged from her sanctuary of pillows and blanket.

Ino leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, eyebrows raised.

Sakura looked at her astonished, experiencing a feeling of déjà-vu. 

She felt tears coming back and dove back into her blanket, trying to hide the shame, the guilt, and the humiliation she felt at the moment.  
She groaned an annoyed “leave me alone”, a closed her eyes waiting to hear her door opening and closing again.

Instead, she got the wind get knocked out of her as she felt an unexpected weight on her. She huffed, cursed, and trashed under her blanket as she heard Ino giggling above her. She was finally able to poke her head out of her warm refuge, glaring at the girl sitting on top of her.

“Ugh, did you gain weight or something, Ino-pig? Move you’re crushing me!”

This gained an offended gasp from Ino.

“You want to fight forehead? Hey, wait, stop wiggling so much you're going to make me fall!”

“I’ll stop moving when you’ll stop killing me with your fat ass!”

“Wha-?! My ass isn’t that big! You’re just jealous because you’re flat!” 

“I’m not flat!” she retorqued frowning.

Ino was trying to stop herself from falling, she changed position finally finding some balance.  
She was straddling Sakura’s hips, a smug smile on her face. Sakura sat up as well ready to tell her off, she wasn’t expecting Ino’s face to be that close to her own though and that choked up whatever snarky remark she was about to make.

“Wh-?! G-Get out of my face Ino!” she blushed, rolling over and making her fall on the bed.

She untangled their legs by giving a few kicks eliciting an indignant “Hey!” from Ino. Sakura could feel her face burning but not from tears this time.  
Ino laid flat on her stomach, she flopped over and kept her gaze to the ceiling.

“Shizune-san told me what happened.”

Sakura sighed and laid down next to her.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“… Fine by me.”

She pressed herself closer to Ino, close enough to feel the warmth radiating off her, closing her eyes. She felt Ino’s arm shift and then smooth fingers enveloping her hand, stroking it gently. Her heartbeat picked up, but she relaxed into the touch.

She felt a wave of fatigue wash over her, she would have instantly fallen asleep had it not been for her headache and her growling stomach. She realized that she hadn’t eaten anything, worrying Ino who forcibly dragged her out of bed and into the kitchen, where her parents had kept a copious amount of food in a plate that they both shared. 

Ino made sure to talk about the latest gossip that Sakura had missed during her mission, she was shocked to hear about Shikamaru’s date with Temari-san, she laughed as she heard how Hinata had rejected a guy so fast even Ino felt bad for him, she asked about any development between Tenten-san and Neji-san, to which Ino answered with a sly grin that she had seen them at a restaurant together, she also shares that she had seen Lee-san and Tenten-san holding hands, Sakura gasped learning this, seeds of curiosity sprouting inside her mind.  
They talked until they were too tired to do so anymore and fell asleep holding hands once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait! college is kicking my ass to say the least, i wanted to make this chapter longer but it just seemed fitting to stop right there hope you enjoyed!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while! but here is the seventh chapter! Im satisfied with how it came out, tell me if you feel like it was too rushed tho!

Sakura was fine for a couple of days after that, Ino was here to distract her, to stop her thoughts from wandering back into the battlefield, but every good thing had to come to an end and Ino had to go on a mission.

She wasn’t ready to go training with the others yet and she could do her chakra control exercise in her sleep, nothing seemed to stimulate her anymore.   
She even had a couple of letters from Naruto she needed to answer to, but each time she tried, the paper stayed blank.

She sighed, already tired of her little walk in the village. She had thought that seeing all the people she supposedly saved would have lessened the guilt, make her find her sense of purpose again. Instead, she was thinking about how her life would have changed if she hadn’t decided to become a ninja. 

She wouldn’t have had blood on her hands, she wouldn’t have had to be woken up by nightmares, she wouldn’t have had to train so hard or to get hurt. 

She wouldn’t have had to put people in danger because of her incompetence a voice in her head whispered. She frowned, this wasn’t the road she wanted to take today.

She waved the last thought away, remembering Shizune-san’s word if it hadn’t been because of her not even a tenth of her platoon would have come back. 

Just thinking about it made her angry all over again, but she had to be honest, now that she had had the time to fully digest that information, she had trouble keeping her pride in check. 

She felt guilty about it, it might just have been flattery on Shizune-san’s part, a way to soothe her anger with praise, she shouldn’t let it work, she should still feel righteous anger at the death of her comrades.   
They didn’t deserve to die without knowing the purpose of their death, they shouldn’t have been sent to die in the first place.

Her nails dig into her palms, she let out a sigh. 

She remembered her fight with Lee-san, the acid touching his leg, eating at his clothes and at his flesh. She suppressed a shudder. She hadn’t realized just how lucky, she had been at that time, she hadn’t been close enough to smell the stench of burning meat. She felt her knees buckle.

Was that what she wanted? All of this violence?

Sparing with Lee-san was fun, but this fight had been something else entirely. She could still feel the raw adrenaline coursing through her veins, the desperate need to win and to push herself past her own limits. It had been exhilarating.

As soon as she was put on a real battlefield though, all the fun had disappeared. 

All of her training had felt meaningless, why did she even want to become stronger? She saw what powerful ninjas did to her comrades. 

Her teammates’ faces appeared in her mind; she let out a little breath. She hadn’t forgotten, she still had a debt to pay. 

She sighed, why did she even want to become a ninja? 

She let her mind wander as far back as she could. She wasn’t even surprised to see Ino’s cheerful smile pop inside her mind. She saw other kids too, all excitedly bouncing around and talking about the Academy. She glared, what even got them so excited? Did they even think about the kind of hardship a ninja has to go through? She sighed, she couldn’t start getting upset all over again.

She passed in front of a playground missing the time when everything seemed easier. She stopped there remembering her sweet childhood. There were no children in sight. She sat on one of the swings letting her mind wander off.

_‘When you are ready, let the memories play inside your mind, don’t stop them, you need to see them through or else you will always be trapped in that memory and all of those emotions, sadness, fear, anger will continue to overwhelm you. You are still stuck in that forest, as of now you don’t have the capacities to be a proper ninja, come back to me when you’ve learned to control your mind.’_

Those were the words Tsunade-sama had told her after their first sparring session. It had hurt. 

Now she wasn’t even sure she wanted to become a proper ninja. Still, she closed her eyes, remembering each death she had witnessed. Or more like trying to. Each time she thought about that mission her heart would beat uncontrollably and she would lose her ability to breathe, this was too soon, she couldn’t control what she saw, she could hear the screams now, she didn’t want to be there again. In her mind every memory started to mix with one another, there was no way to live it through, to let it pass because everything was happening at the same time with no clear distinction between a beginning and an end, she could also hear bits of her conversation with the Hokage, she clenched her jaw, the simple memory of Tsunade’s betrayal made her want to break things, to hit things, to- 

“Sakura! What are you doing here? I was wondering how you were doing since you haven’t been joining us lately!” Gai-sensei’s booming voice rang out and made her jump out of her thoughts.

She stuttered a greeting.

“Ah, yes my previous mission was very taxing,” she smiled, “but be sure to tell Tenten that I’ll hit her with all I’ve got next time we fight!” she added desperately wanting to change the subject. 

Her teacher frowned, she probably still looked like she was about to snap, she prayed that he hadn’t noticed but she knew that Gai-sensei was more perspective than people gave him credit for. He looked at her sternly and sat in the empty swing next to her. She tensed, expecting him to ask about the mission. In the end, though he just flashed a smile.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to relay your message!” 

Sakura relaxed.

“That will surely fire her up, she has been feeling down ever since she stopped studying medical ninjutsu.”

“What? She stopped?! I didn’t know about that!”

She frowned, why hadn't Ino tell her that? 

“Yes, it was a very difficult decision for her,” he nodded arm crossed, “but she didn’t think it suited her.”

Sakura couldn’t believe it.

“But it was her dream to be taught by Shi- the Hokage-sama, why would she give it up like that? It doesn’t make any sense.”

Gai-sensei beamed.

“I see why you would think that Sakura,” he said pinching his chin between his thumb and index finger, “but I think that her choice made perfect sense. Tenten’s goal is to master every single weapon that exists, the Hokage-sama motivated her to chase after that dream, but in the end, she realized that just chasing after her wasn’t going to make her own dream come true.” His voice was wobbly, and he had tears of pride in his eyes, “It was very difficult, but she made such a mature decision, I’m so proud of her.”

Sakura took the time to take in what had just been said. 

“…Tenten-san is really amazing.” 

“Yes! But don’t worry Sakura, you are worthy of being her rival, I heard of your exploits during your mission.”

Her expression immediately soured, and she knew that he had noticed, no matter how much she tried to hide it. Silence hung between them like thick smoke. 

“… Gai-sensei why did you want to become a ninja?”

He looked taken aback that the sudden question, but he grinned.

“I was motivated by my Father! He was the best ninja I ever knew, I wanted to be like him ever since I was a little child. He is the one that taught me that eternal youth wasn’t something that you obtained physically but mentally.” He finished with a self-satisfied nod.

_‘His father, huh?’_

She looked at the sky and hummed.

“Sakura, did something happen during your mission?”

She needed to talk about it.

She hadn’t told her parents because she didn’t know how they would have reacted, she wanted to tell Ino but she knew that she wouldn’t have been able to keep the rest a secret, she had thought about talking to Kakashi-sensei but, sometimes during some of their conversations, he would just get this look, like he was somewhere far away, she couldn’t see how he would be able to comfort her, she didn’t want to hear about duty or anything of the sort, he just didn’t seem like the right kind of person to talk to about it.

“I killed someone.” 

Sakura was surprised at how easily the words had slipped out of her mouth.

“…I see.” He took a deep breath. “Sakura it’s normal to feel guilty about it, the act of taking a life is-”

“That’s not it!” she hissed through gritted teeth, she tried to keep her voice steady, “I saw them killing my teammates one after the other and there was no pity in their eyes, if anything,” she could feel the way her lips were trembling, and she hated it, “if anything I felt like he deserved it! Like I was just fulfilling my duties until-” she shut her mouth, remembering Shizune-san’s words.

Her body was trembling in anger again. She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes, she started massaging her temple, doing the trick she had taught herself to relieve headaches. Her body relaxed immediately. 

Gai-sensei’s brows knit together, he looked like he was trying to solve a particularly complex puzzle.   
He crossed his arms in front of him, his gaze became distant as if he was recalling something and suddenly, she could see the lightbulb above his head light up. 

“Sakura, who are you angry at? Are you angry at the Iwagakure ninja?”

She frowned and paused, she wasn’t, not anymore. They weren’t the ones who had betrayed her.

“I see, then are you angry at your teammates?”

“What? No, of course not!” 

They were as much a victim than she was, except they didn’t even know that; she balled her fist.

“Are you angry at the Godaime then?”

Her brain stopped responding and she blinked.

“No.” She mumbled, “I’m not angry at her.” She spat bitterly.

This had probably been the worst attempt at lying she ever made in her entire life.

“It’s fine Sakura, there have been times when I was angry at the Hokage too.”

She cocked her head to one side questioningly, feeling oddly comforted by that.

“No matter what we think of them, they are still human, they will make mistakes and sometimes they will choose to make them.” he gave her a knowing look, “I won’t ask about what happened anymore.” He sighed, “There are a lot of things that I want to tell you as your teacher but that as a ninja I shouldn’t say, just like there are a lot of things I want to tell you as a ninja but that as a teacher I would never let myself pronounce. But let me tell you this, if you want to quit, nobody would blame you, I personally do not think that children do not have their place on a battlefield, you are all very talented, but you are too young to be ninjas. If you still want to pursue on this path, you will need to remember that to be a ninja is to endure Sakura, there are things that you won’t ever be able to share with your parents, and sometimes it will feel like you are living in different worlds. It can be very isolating.”

She was staring at him, processing his words. She just nodded... but there was still something she wasn’t satisfied with though.

“I… don’t want to quit, I know that there is a shortage of medical ninja, I want to save people, I want to be on the field, but I don’t know how I feel about killing, even for the village, especially since I know-” she caught her herself, frowning, “…what I know, how can I be sure that what I’m doing is truly useful? How do I keep having faith?” She looked at him directly in the eyes, she needed guidance, the foundations of all she knew had been shaken and she needed someone to help her rebuild something sturdier than her naïve childhood beliefs.

“The truth is, Sakura, you never know,” he sighed, “you could ask a lot of ninjas and a lot of them would admit that they doubt their actions sometimes. But we all cling to our ideals, to what we hope we are building together. We might not always believe in the Hokage and the council, but we believe in Konoha.”

“But they are the ones who take the decisions if you don’t trust them, how can you hope that they are making you build something that you will be proud of?!” she asked, remembering Shizune-san’s words.

_‘Ninjas who cost more than they are worth.’_

Was this the kind of people that was supposed to lead them? People that would just throw their subordinates’ lives away? What kind of future could those people even build?

Gai-sensei looked taken aback, he stayed silent for a while. His mouth hung open for a while and she could see him try to formulate a response. She sighed, she hadn’t known what she had even expected.

“You… are very smart Sakura.” Sakura took the praise at heart, she had started to respect Gai-sensei, even though his training methods were sometimes pretty extreme, “still this is a very difficult question, this probably means that they aren’t doing it right.” 

He balled his fists, a troubled expression on his face, Sakura was startled to see him look so stern. He noticed and quickly flashed her a smile, all traces of solemnness disappearing.

“You reminded me something very important today, thank you.” 

She just nodded. This conversation hadn’t been what she thought it would be, she was still stunned by it.

“Still, I’m sorry, I don’t know how to answer this question. I guess that one way or another, you make them listen to you, no matter how many times you fall on deaf ears.” 

He still had his signature grin on but there was something more serious in his eyes, Sakura didn’t know what to make of it.

“Sakura you can always come to talk to me or Kakashi about this kind of thing. That’s what we are here for!”

She nodded again. He stayed for a little while, probably waiting for her to continue talking, but as she didn’t, he got up. He warned her not to stay too late, and to say hi to Naruto for him and went his way. 

Sakura looked at the setting sun for a while, gently swinging back and forth. She was already thinking about what to write to him, if she should tell him or not that she had killed someone. She thought about Sasuke-kun too, the way she had felt when he had broken that sound ninja’s arms, comparing it to how she felt when she killed that Iwagakure ninja.

_‘You see, there is a certain man I need to kill…’_

That’s what he had said. She remembered the feeling she got when she was staring at her one of her teammates’ murderer, she couldn’t even imagine how Sasuke-kun would feel if he was put in front of his brother. She balled her fists.

_‘I hope he will be able to get revenge.’ ___

__She sighed, she felt like she was able to understand him better now. The sun had nearly disappeared, she took this as her cue to go back home, she didn’t want to make her parents worry, plus she needed to write to Naruto. She stretched, feeling lonely all of a sudden, she wanted to Ino to come home soon._ _

__

__Ino didn’t come back until a week later though and even with that, she had barely seen her. The mission had been hard on team Asuma, that much was easy to tell. She packed a few things with her; her parents had agreed to let her pass the night at Ino’s. She stopped to buy some pastries for her too._ _

__She greeted Ino’s mom and made small chat with her before making her way to Ino’s room. She knocked and Ino opened the door. She had bags under her eyes and was still in her pyjamas. Sakura couldn’t help but sense a feeling of déjà-vu. Ino hesitated before sighing and letting her into her bedroom._ _

__“You look awful by the way.” She said as the entered her room._ _

__Ino only rolled her eyes._ _

__“I don’t remember inviting you.” She said sitting back on her bed._ _

__“And?” she asked playfully, setting down her stuff._ _

__Ino sighed and crossed her arms._ _

__“You’re not the only one allowed to be sad and brooding.”_ _

__Sakura snorted, setting down the cake box on Ino’s nightstand._ _

__“Never said I was.”_ _

__She settled on the other side of the bed, studying Ino. Neither of them talked, Ino was nervously glancing around, obviously uncomfortable with the amount of attention Sakura was giving her. Finally, their gazes met._ _

__“Ugh! Stop looking at me like that!” Ino snapped, “I just-, look the mission was… I just need a couple of days! I’m fine!”_ _

__Sakura hummed dubiously in response, but she didn’t push her._ _

__“Ino, we don’t have to talk about it, I just- I liked when you came to visit me before, I thought that maybe-” she could feel her face growing hot, embarrassed by the assumption she had made. “I can go if you want me to,” she added, uncomfortable, “but if I go the cakes leave with me.” She finished, trying to hide the sudden discomfort she felt._ _

__Ino cracked a smile and Sakura beamed at her, finally relaxing._ _

__Why had the thought of Ino wanting to see her put her in such a state, of course, she would want that, they were best friends weren’t they?_ _

__“Hmm, that’s a tough ultimatum… it depends, I feel like the decision would be easier to make if you had-”_ _

__“Pudding custard?” she mused, taking out a cute little pink box._ _

__Ino squealed with joy and hugged her, thanking her, and kissing her on the cheek._ _

__“Ugh! I could literally kiss you right now!”_ _

__Sakura blinked and laughed trying not to imagine the scene._ _

__See, there was nothing weird about it, of course, your best friend would want to spend time with you, she was just there to show her support, as a friend, a friend who cared for her friend’s wellbeing, that was all._ _

__“So, aren’t I the greatest friend in the world?” She asked smugly._ _

__It was all in her honor really, to be such a good friend and to care so much about how Ino felt, she should be proud of herself, she grew as a person and she wasn’t a selfish brat anymore._ _

__“You are!” Ino responded, mouth full. “Did you go to Cat’s Paw to get me these? Sakura, I love you so much!” She cried out._ _

__She laughed harder; she probably had the dumbest smile on her face, and she could feel a warm feeling in her chest._ _

__“Of course, only the best for you Ino.” She blew a kiss at her._ _

__Ino giggled at that, finishing her favorite pastry. She sighed in contentment._ _

__“And this isn’t even the best thing inside this bag.” Sakura teased, making her perk up._ _

__“Oh?” she inquired, eyes twinkling in excitement. “What could be better than Cat’s Paw’s pudding custard?”_ _

__“Wouldn’t you like to know?” She mused, “unfortunately you were just about to kick me out.” She frowned in fake hurt. “I think I’ll just pack all that up and go.” She sighed and shook her head, disappointed._ _

__“What?! No, Sakura please you know I love you more than anything in the world! Don’t leave me.” She clung to her, whining._ _

__“Are you sure? I mean I can just let you be sad and brooding alone in your room. After all, I don’t think that the spa is the best place to do it.”_ _

__“You’re bringing me to the spa?!”_ _

__“Tomorrow, yes. And then we can go shopping and go eat at that salad bar you like so much.”_ _

__Ino paused, suddenly embarrassed._ _

__“I, wow Sakura, that’s actually really kind of you.”_ _

__Ino rested her head on Sakura’s thighs, smiling._ _

__“Don’t worry about it, this is just payback for when I wasn’t feeling so great. Plus, I’m not even paying for the spa, the wife of one of my teammates heard that I had saved his life several times during our mission together and since she is the owner, she told me that I could come whenever I wanted! I’ve been waiting for you to come back so that we’d go together.”_ _

__She hummed in response._ _

__“Still, Sakura, thank you.” Her eyes misted for a second, she sighed. “Sometimes I really hate being a ninja, I wish I could just work in mom’s flower shop forever.”_ _

__“Did you kill someone?” she asked._ _

__Ino tensed and Sakura cursed herself for being too forward._ _

__Silence hanged in the air between them, the cheery atmosphere disappearing. It was the only answer they both needed._ _

__They stayed like this for a while, not talking, reminiscing, but holding each other close to keep themselves from drowning._ _


End file.
